Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Dental Dorkishness

God, I'm the biggest dork.

I went to the dentist this morning for two fillings and here's what happened: I was all chill, reading a magazine in the waiting room, and I even brought my iPod with me so I could listen to tunes while they were drilling. I lay down in the fancy chair, I'm chatting with the cute dentist, he's spreading that topical numbing stuff on me, and then brings out The Needle.

I wigged.

I wigged in a good way, I didn't hyper ventilate or barf or anything, but I got all sweaty and nervous and was all " Okay. Okay. Hold on. Okay. Here we go. Hold on. Okay." The cute dentist is laughing at me in a good natured way, and I finally pry my hand from my mouth and lay back down and breathe deep, and let The Needle in.

He's poking around, and, topical stuff or not, I can feel that thing and it hurts! I'm trying to maintain, and every time I feel it I make a little whining noise like, "Ungggg. Ungggg. UNGGGG!" and he finally takes the damn thing out. I'm all, "Phew! Okay! Got through that!" and he's all, "No, I'm not nearly finished." And I'm still sweating and laughing nervously, and now I'm drooling on myself, but I open back up and he goes back in.

More of the same whining noises, except this time my hand shoots out from my body and violently pushes his hand out of my mouth. Awesome. I look at him, mortified, mystified, and he, cute adorable dentist that he is, says "Yeah, we're not gonna do this today." For a second I thought he was mad at me, but he was grinning, and I was laughing while holding both hands over my mouth, and I said, "Seriously?" and he goes, "Y' know, I've loosened up a bit in my old age, and you shouldn't have to suffer through this. I will do a much better filling if your not being a freaking lunatic." Okay, he didn't say those exact words, but I got the drift. He also said that I was cracking him up, and even when I'm making myself ridiculous that kind of comment gives me a little thrill. I'm so easy!

So he wrote me a prescription for Xanax and rescheduled me. My tongue and gums were numb at this point, but he said he was only about 25% done with the novacain. I was so embarrassed and I told him so, but he told me that if I hung around that office for a while, I'd see that I was not the only one. So, now I have to stress about this for another month and find someone drive me to and from the appointment since I will be too high operate heavy machinery. Such a dork. This has never happened before. When I was pregnant, I had to leave a cleaning before the hygienist had even started because I was a little on the nutballs side at the time, and I couldn't handle laying still for that long, and I DID start to hyperventilate that time. But normally, I don't freak out at the dentist. I don't heart dental work or anything, but I can keep my cool.

So, whatever. I'm home now, my tongue is lolling around in my mouth and I'm afraid I'm going to bite it off.

** Quick note on yesterday's post: The teacher who got her stuff stolen was Leila's teacher! Can you believe it? She startled the person in the act, and even though the robber got away, she was able to act quickly and get all her credit cards and checking accounts canceled. She did lose a sizable Nordtrom gift card, though, and that just sucks. The balls on some people! The noive!


lama said...

I can't believe the credit card theft thing! My girlz and I wanna form a posse to catch this lady if she ever shows her face around campus again - you in? PS Your novocain story sounds like me during my c-section when they tried to put the oxygen mask over my face. NOT!!

Michelle said...

I wish there was a video so we could actually see you pushing his hand away, that would be awesome!