Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Aloha Edition

There is nothing on TV in Hawaii. You will not convince me that people who live in Hawaii don't want to see reruns of The Office on TBS. And don't they get a little upset that the timing of the programming is all messed up? I mean, shows are advertised as "8 eastern, 7 central" and we on the pacific are left to assume that our show is at 8 too, but the people in Hawaii are left to figure it out all on their own. When the hell is prime time in Hawaii?
Did you expect more of me? I'm in Hawaii, bitching and moaning about what's on TV. That's right, I've had a long day of beach sitting, and mai tai drinking, and snacking on Maui style potato chips, and all that really takes it out of a person. At the end of a long day like this, I just want to watch some TV. My mom wants us to play cards, but I don't want to play a game, I just want to veg' in front of the TV. So, its 8:45, and she sees that no one wants to play a game, so she says, "Well, I don't want to watch TV, so I'm going to bed." She's not pouting about it or anything, but somehow you feel guilty that you didn't jab your dad in the ribs and whisper "Play a goddam game with the woman."
My dad, for his part, can't understand why Rob and I aren't running out to go see the Arizona memorial. Now, honestly, I'd like to see it. I watched that whole world war II documentary, every horrifying minute of it, and I'd really like to see the Arizona memorial: some day. For now, I'd like to read my book on the beach. I feel guilty about this, too. I feel like he would be so pleased if we went to the memorial. He's been already, I don't think he wants to go again, but he thinks we should go, and moreover, he thinks we should really want to go. The weather was not that great today, and if its not that great tomorrow, we'll go.
Also, my dad, who I love, completely ignores my basic rules of parenting. I look at Leila, I can see that she is tired, and tell her its time for bed, and here's my dad: " She's on vacation, too! Let her stay up!" On the way back from a walk to see some hammerhead sharks and sting rays, right before lunch, he offered her an ice cream, and she chose a shaved ice instead. This thing was bigger than her head, and while we were all eating lunch, she ate the enormous snow cone. And Maui style potato chips.
Tonight, Leila put on a show for us of her "kung fu moves" as she calls them. She basically flails around in time with a "fast song" and punches her arms and legs all over the place. My daughter has great rhythmic timing, and a nice voice, and can pick out tunes on a piano, but she cannot dance. She dances like Elaine in Seinfeld, I swear. Anyway, we all applauded when she finished, and when she went to bed she said, "If anyone wants to see that show another way, I can do it in slow motion. I'm up for it any time." Does it get much cuter? I don't know how she has the energy for kung fu, only eating frozen waffles and chips.
Seriously, though, Hawaii is great. I love to get all prickly hot in the sun, dip into the pool to cool off, and then get prickly hot in the sun again. My favorite thing, is to do all this, and then order a mai tai from the roving waiter. I wouldn't mind staying down at the pool and ordering l lunch from time to time, but I feel like my mom is silently cataloging everything I put in my mouth, and every dime I spend, so I only order stuff when she's not around. Going on vacation with the parents is wonderful, priceless time, but also challenging to navigate. Totally worth it, though. Aloha!

Monday, February 9, 2009

Grammy Post Show

I watched the Grammys last night. I force myself to watch all the performances, because you never know what will stand out, and I owe my love of the Dixie Chicks entirely to the Grammys. Also, when Eminem performed with Elton John years ago, I was totally blown away. At least at that time I had heard of these people, if not heard their music, but this year I was in the tall grass, music-wise. Who are all these people? Where did they come from? Why are some of them so young? I guess it was mostly the hip hop people that were mysterious to me, and I liked some of it, but I had a hard time understanding what they were saying. Of all the performers, I liked Radiohead the best. And, believe it or not, I thought Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift, even though it was way past their bed time, were really good.
So, I'm an old woman. I don't know who Lil Wayne is, and I don't really care. One day, Leila will be watching the Grammys, and she'll know who everyone is, and she'll be too cool for mainstream pop music, and I'll say something about how Justin Timberlake is talented, and she will roll her eyes at me and then go back to painting her nails black.
I got a mani-pedi yesterday and looked through a People magazine and I had the same experience. I don't know any of the people they're gossiping about. Who watches all these shows? It kind of ruins People magazine for me. You know you're getting old when you'd rather read Oprah and Cottage Living than People or Entertainment Weekly. These might be really good shows, and these kids might be the next big thing, but I'm still with the old big thing and I'm just too tired to take on more.
I will keep watching the Grammys every year, and I have vowed to watch the shows Leila wants to watch when she's a teenager so I can be aware of what the kids are into, but I think my hopes of being a cool mom have been dashed by M.I.A. and Lady Antebellum, whoever the heck they are. But that Justin Timberlake is pretty talented!

Tuesday, February 3, 2009


What a great day! This may not mean anything to anyone but me, but today I was able to walk down my front stairs and onto the sidewalk without flinching and flailing. Then, I went to physical therapy, and was shown how to walk up and down stairs properly with a cane, and I'm telling you, its life-changing! I am no longer a prisoner in my own home! If my house is on fire, I'll be able to get out! I still need someone to spot me, since I don't have a railing on my stairs, and I'm not ready to go limping around the block on my own, but I can go outside! I also went out to lunch! My first outing since I got sick. I had a caesar salad and some of my dad's french fries, and it was so great to be out of my house. AND, I'm not tired! Not even a little bit! I feel energized, invincible! OK, not so much invincible, but close enough!
I can walk down stairs! I can walk down stairs! I am not house bound! I can walk down stairs!!!!!

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Have You Heard of This?

Today is superbowl Sunday, a day we traditionally spend with my cousin and her family, not watching the game, and eating junk food. This year, we stayed at home. Leila went on a hike with her grandparents and hunted for rocks for her rock polisher, Rob worked, and I napped. I'm actually still in my pajamas.
Anyway, I don't know if you know about this, many people probably do, its not as if its hidden, but every year on superbowl Sunday, Animal Planet airs The Puppy Bowl.
Its on all day, they replay it again and again, and here's what it is: there is a small stadium, complete with a fake crowd and cheering, and a football field with yard lines, goal posts and everything. It starts with a referee with a whistle introducing a bird named Pepper who drives into the middle of the stadium on a motorized little yellow Tonka truck, moves to a perch, and sings the national anthem. Its not a fake, the bird really sings the national anthem, although it only bares a passing resemblance to the actual anthem. He repeats "twilight's last gleaming" a few times, but its clear that someone has taught him a thing or two. Then the bird leaves, and the referee, who is a full sized man in a miniature stadium, introduces the players. A starting line up of nine to ten week old puppies enters the stadium. We have Madeleine the beagle, Eli the Australian shepherd, Sugar Rush the mutt, etc. etc.
The referee blows the whistle to start play, and play they do. They just run around, with stuffed toys, including a stuffed football, and if one of the puppies happens to run to the end zone with the football in his or her mouth without getting tackled by another puppy, the referee calls a touchdown. The rest of the time they roll around together and bite each other, and shake the stuffed toys back and forth.
When the puppies get tired and fall asleep on the field, the referee blows his whistle, gives the puppy a penalty for napping, and he quietly gets replaced with a fresh, awake puppy. When the puppies get thirsty, there are two big water bowls at either end of the field. There are cameras underneath the water bowls, so we can watch the Bowl Cam, and look up into the puppies' faces as they slurp water, and sometimes dig around in it. If a puppy pee pees or worse on the field, I think its called a foul, and there is a time out while the referee cleans the area.
Then there is halftime. As in the real superbowl, the field is transformed with a stage and colorful bunting, and its time for... The Kitty Halftime Show. This is exactly what it sounds like. The puppies are replaced with kittens, and people off-camera wave little fishing poles with toys at the end of them, and the kittens jump around the stage and bat things with their paws. I noticed that the kitties looked a little confused today: there was so much confetti falling from the ceiling, they didn't really know what to chase first. They also let you hear the kitties meow, which is really cute. During the commercials, all the confetti is cleaned up, and the stage is put away, and the puppies come back out for the second half. Its clearly a second line up, some of the players have changed, but the game is the same, and they start romping around the field once more.
Today was Puppy Bowl V. I wonder why they don't just replay the first puppy bowl every year, its not like they change anything but the dogs from year to year. But this year, in honor of the five year anniversary, they showed Puppy Bowl Hall of Fame Moments. Rob informed me that the guy doing the voiceover is the actual guy that does the flashback moments during NFL games. They have the dramatic music in the background as they replay puppy tackles and touch downs and tail chasing from years passed. Seriously.
Its two hours long, and they show it for 14 hours straight. I watched it after lunch today, and I'm watching it again right now after dinner.
Oh, I forgot! Today, in the middle of the game (look, I'm calling it a game) a hairless dog (I think its called a Chinese Crested) runs out on the field, and they call a time out because there is a streaker on the field. They even put a little black stripe over his butt while he's running around the field. There is also a tailgate party in a fake parking lot, with older dogs sitting in lawn chairs watching the game on a TV. You can also go on line and vote for MVP.
I can't decide whether its ridiculous or pure genius. Let's go with genius. Check it out next year.