Wednesday, March 30, 2011


This remodeling thing is either the best idea I've ever had, or the worst.  I am not sleeping well, and I think the initial rush of adrenaline has worn off and now I'm just annoyed.  I'm learning all kinds of things about building codes and how my house doesn't meet them and I'm really afraid that after all this hope, my plans will be dashed by codes and permits and I'll be stuck using tongs to reach my food in the upper cabinet where it lives for the rest of my life.  I'm very grumbly.  And tired. 

Today is Home and Hearth Day, which is my euphemistic way of saying my house is a complete mess, there are a pile of bills that need to be paid and laundry that needs to be folded and groceries that need to be acquired.  No pencils and tracing paper, no decorating shows, no trips to cabinet show rooms, none of it. 

You know what's great about unpaid bills?  For a brief period, there's a lot of money in my bank account just sitting there.  It makes me feel like I could go shopping and get new plates or something.  Its like a little fantasy lottery win.  And then I pay the bills and the money is gone and the fantasy is crushed. 

Can you tell I'm crabby?  But spring seems to be here, and I have marigolds to plant, and I bought some strawberries to eat so maybe things will look up.  I have to go to bed earlier, too, that would help...

Monday, March 21, 2011

Abe Lincoln

Normally, I don't like to write about dreams I've had.  Its boring to everyone but me.  No one wants to hear about anyone else' dreams, unless they're in them, and especially if they're in them naked.  But this dream I had last weekend has stuck with me all week because of its sheer dorkishness, so bear with me.

I dreamed that Rob and I were having a conversation about Abe Lincoln, and I was saying something about him in the past tense or whatever and Rob said, "What are you talking about? Abraham lincoln isn't dead!  Why would you think that?" and then I reflected for a moment and was all, "Oh my God I'm so stupid!  Of course he's not dead!  What was I thinking?" and we laughed and laughed at how stupid I was.

When the alarm went off, I was sure Abe Lincoln was alive, and that there was no reason he shouldn't be.  I even did partially awake math in my head to figure out how old he would be, and, at first, the math indicated that he could indeed be alive, but as I opened my eyes and got more awake, I realized he would at least 200 years old. So, no: probably not alive.

Fast forward to Friday night, a full week later, when Rob and I went to the movies (we saw The Lincoln Lawyer*, ironically) and there was a preview for a movie called The Conspirator about the assassination of Abe Lincoln, and I just had to put my head in my hands and shake my head at my actual, not dreamed, stupidity; Abe Lincoln was assassinated, you idiot!  Of course he's not alive!  Jeez! 

No wonder this dream stayed with me all week!  My addled 40 year-old brain was trying to get me to remember one of the most significant events in American history! God, I'm stupid.

Last night I had a dream that one of my au pairs was working for Charlie Sheen.  I wont go into it, though.  You're welcome.

* The Lincoln Lawyer, starring Matthew Mconohay (I know that's not how you spell his name, in spite of my stupidity) is okay.  Its a clever courtroom drama in which Matthew M. plays himself, and Marisa Tomei is oddly made up.  Not sure it was worth a regular admission ticket, it felt like a really good TV episode, but it was fine, and I got to eat a Chipotle burrito bowl beforehand which was, as always, delicious.

Friday, March 18, 2011

This is the Stuff

It is windy and cloudy and there is a chance of thunderstorms, and a 100% chance of rain this afternoon.  I freakin' love this weather!!!!  Just walked the kid and the dog in the wind, and it is just the best.  Don't have a lot on my plate today, so I'm just going to snuggle in, watch some decorating shows, read Oprah, sleep, and be generally sloth-like.  To all those people who are bitching and moaning because they can't ride their bikes or go running or hike 12 miles, you don't know what's good. 

I love when the wind rattles my house and makes my chimney howl.  I have a fluffy dog, wooly socks and half a leftover chocolate cake: what else does a girl need? 

In other news, I had steak tar tar last night, with a raw quail egg on it.  It was delicious.  Lately I feel so bloated, though, I feel like I just can't bend at the waist.  I have eaten out a lot (its birthday season in my family) but I've preparing for these outings by eating smoothies and light food the rest of the day, often skipping a meal, so I don't think my calorie intake is any higher than usual.  I just feel like there's a blown-up balloon in my belly. 

Hey, does anyone reading this have and Ikea kitchen that they can honestly review for me?

Have a great weekend!

Thursday, March 17, 2011


If you happen to have kids, you know that while the frost is still on the new buds, and its still raining, and the heater is still popping on in the morning, you have to start thinking about summer.  Scratch that: you have to plan your entire summer.  Camps are filled by April, camping sites are booked, and airplanes are filling up.  I am so not ready to start thinking about summer.  If you've read me for any length of time, you know I hate the heat, so there's that, but this year is especially confusing. 

With this, maybe, impending construction, it throws everything up in the air.  I don't know if we'll even be living in our house during the summer, which means that L's stuff will be all packed up, and we might not go anywhere, and she is going to have to have something to do.  Last year we didn't go anywhere and she wasn't signed up for any camps.  We just stared at each other all summer long.  It was excruciating.  For both of us.

So this year I have done a little research and I am actually contemplating spending an ungodly amount of money for 20 days of day camp that we can use whenever we feel like it during the summer.  This way, no matter where we travel or what we do to our house, I can stash her at camp when I need to, and we can get out of each other's hair.  Thing is, I am having trouble pulling the trigger.  For what I will pay for this camp, I could probably buy half of my kitchen cabinets.  Or two new windows.  Or a room of hardwood floor.  God, its expensive. 

So I am thinking of it as the first of our construction expenses.  I have fantasies about being a little DIY goddess and refinishing my own doors and doing my own painting, and if I'm going to do this, little girl is going to have to disappear for 7 hours at a pop.  And if I don't get to do any construction, and I am sad and depressed all summer, I will go to this camp, and she can hang out with my mom.

This place has a "cafe" that is open all day.  I could eat ALL DAY!  They also have a reading room, and all kinds of crafts and stuff, it looks so fun!  How fun would it be to have a bunch of adults go to camp?  We'd just have to add a cocktail making class and a construction-for-middle-aged, out-of-shape women class, and it would be AWESOME!

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Yucatan if you want To*

I have been getting a lot of manicures lately.  It started out as an indulgent little treat, but now its getting boring.  I feel a little stuck in it now because without a manicure my nails look wrecked, and I could do it myself at home, but I like changing colors.  Its the most spoiled and ridiculous "problem."  Anyway, I was at the manicure place yesterday, alone, no one to talk to, can't read the In Style magazine because my hands are otherwise occupied, but there are two women behind me getting pedicures, so I decide to eaves drop.

Here's the "problem:"  They whispered all the good parts of the conversation.  I learned that the one woman's husband's name is Steve, and they seem to be having some issues.  This is what I heard: " So I glance and Steve's computer and I see this Twitter thing that says pssswssswssswsssswsssss and I didn't know if I should bring it up to him, so I asked pssswssswss and she said that her husband pssswssswssswsss." COME ON!  Throw a girl a bone!  I was getting very irritated, I almost turned my head around and said "make this interesting, please!  I'm bored over here!"  If you're going to get into the nitty gritty in the manicure place, don't whisper.  Its just rude!  It was clear that they were talking about marriage and sex and suspicion, but all the good parts were bleeped out.  Most boring manicure EVER.

I have a day with nothing on the calendar today.  I'm still full from eating my weight in Mexican food over the weekend, so going to lunch is out of the question.  I've got to fold some whites, and I could take this time to clean out the linen closet, but I'd really rather watch decorating shows on TV.  Turns out there are tons of reruns on HGTV and the DIY network.  I've seen the same kitchen remodels a few times, I'm ready for some new ones.  My remodel ideas are coming fast and furious, but we're still waiting for plans.  I've picked out all my new appliances, even though we aren't getting new appliances, and picked out all my finishes even though there's no plans or permits.  In my head this whole process is already done.

I am really uninspired lately, for writing anyway.  If you have questions about kitchen remodels, I have inspiration up the wazoo...

*the name of my nail polish color.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Out with the Old...

I am a bad, bad blogger.  I've been a pretty good mom and housewife lately, but that doesn't make for a good blogger, does it?  If you're still checking in, thanks for your persistence. 

I've been, you know, doing laundry, cooking dinners, driving on field trips and all that stuff.  But, really: who am I trying to kid?  That stuff doesn't take all that long.  So what have I really been doing?

People, I have had an enormous, almost spiritual experience involving my house.  If all goes well, we may embark on a remodel project, a small one compared to what happens in my neighborhood almost every summer, but huge to me.  It seems that once you finally let go of all the dreams you had that will never come true, and you decide that everything you thought was permanent and couldn't possibly change is completely up for grabs, the universe just floods your head with ideas and adrenaline.  I have stared at these walls for almost 14 years, and I NEVER visualized what I have been able to visualize in the last week.  I wont bore you with details, but I can think of nothing else, I'm losing sleep, and I haven't been so excited about anything since Lost was on the air.  I think it may have something to do with turning 40.  I asked Rob if he thought I was having a midlife crisis, and he said, "well, if you are, then its got a better return on investment than a boob job or a Porsche."

My eyes are bleary from looking at pictures of kitchens on the internet, I have watched more HGTV than anyone has a right to, but I am pumped!!!  Stay tuned for construction blog!!