Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Wherein the Appliances Gang Up on Me

Last night Rob and I were at the house, he was painting, I was lazily cutting drawer liners for the kitchen, and I decided I wanted to take the shower caddy out of the freshly-cleaned bathroom (2 and a half hours, people, much scrubbing) and put it in the top rack of the dishwasher both to clean the caddy, and use the dishwasher for the first time.

I pressed some buttons, it made some noises, and then I went completely ape shit about how QUIET it was! I couldn't hear a thing! The only way I knew it was on was because of the little blue lights! I went to all corners of the house to confirm that I couldn't hear a thing!! It was amazing! I was in disbelief that any appliance could ever be that quiet!!

Then the blue lights went off, and I couldn't figure that out. The cycle takes a long time, why no blue lights? I opened it and found a puddle of detergent sliding down the door, and then I panicked that my new dishwasher didn't work. Then I calmed down and used my brain for a second, and looked under the sink to see that the water supply was not turned on. Duh.

I turned it on, and started up the dishwasher. It makes noise. Not a lot of noise, and I can't hear it in my bedroom, and its one million decibels quieter than my old dishwasher which could only be run when we weren't home and didn't actually clean dishes.

Sure was a lot quieter without water running through it, though.

Then I wanted to wash the bathmat and the 40 towels that I used to clean the bathroom, and the washing machine didn't work either. Wanna know why? Water supply was turned off. What a moron.

I believe that, now, all the water supplies are turned on, and I will have no more problems. So to sum up, here is Bored Housewife's Trouble Shooting guide: Step one, check water supply...

ADDENDUM: Just to complete this circle: After we moved in, we had no hot water. I had just spent untold thousands to get this water heater back on line, and it was broken!! Except it wasn't. The water wasn't turned on...

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

And then She Slept

Its 8:55 and Leila and I are in my bed. She's playing solitaire on the iPod touch, and I'm doing this. I'm hoping that when I get up I will have recovered from the 15 hour (no exaggeration) house prepping marathon that we pulled on Sunday. We painted, we taped, we cleaned, we used razor blades to clean paint off windows, we ate lunch standing up, we ate dinner standing up, it was awesome. Adrenaline and excitement just took over! The house looks amazing, and we peeked in the windows yesterday to see the final coat of shiny stuff on the new floors, and it looks even amazinger.

Yesterday I took one hundred naps, and had a shower in there somewhere. My back is killing me, but in a good way; a way that says, I worked my ass off and it was totally worth it. There are still a few things to do, but we are moving in this weekend or I'm going to kill someone.

I know you are sick of hearing about my house project, and I thank you for hanging in there. Its almost over. Soon, I will post pics so you can see what all the hub bub is about.

I wish I could regale you with some stories from my In Other News section, but I can't because all I've been doing is painting. If I were less tired, I'd go completely OFF on AT&T and their complete lameness, but I'll save that for another day.

Friday, February 17, 2012

What day is this?

I have been spackling, caulking, and taping. Mostly taping. I have used so many miles of blue tape, they should be paying me. I'm not sure how that works out exactly, but after 10 hours on my feet for three days, I don't give a shit. Is any of this making sense? Then I come home to my parents' house, and my dad pours me 2 glasses of wine (in a row, not both at once) and then makes me a mai tai. A hard core mai tai. I love that guy.

So, to recap, I'm tired, proud, satisfied, ready for two more days of painting and taping and spackling, and drunk.

Goodnight, y'all!

p.s. before and after pics coming soon. We are moving in next weekend come hell or high water.

Monday, February 13, 2012

This Story has Teeth!

I forgot to tell you all how awesome I was recently! Leila lost a tooth. She's been losing them like crazy since we moved in to my parents house, and this is only a problem because she still believes in the tooth fairy. Her bed is crammed between my dad's desk and the wall, and there's no way to elegantly swipe the tooth and leave the cash without crawling under the desk like a dog, and even then, if the tooth isn't in a good place under the pillow, or the kid has wedged it between two pillows, you can't get to it anyway.

This was the case with the last tooth; I just couldn't get to it. Actually, now that I think about it, I think that was a different tooth. The tooth I'm speaking of, I actually forgot about. It happens sometimes; kid goes to bed, puts her tooth under her pillow, I say goodnight, and then I drink some wine, and watch some TV and go to bed and completely forget about the tooth. I have a lot on my mind, people!

So I got up in the morning as she was just waking up, and I hid the nine quarters in my hand. (tangent: The tooth fairy gives nine quarters because with the first tooth I meant to give $2 and I miscounted, so now I always have to count out nine quarters.) Leila went to turn on her lamp, and I said, "Don't turn it on yet! I want to snuggle!" and I crawled up on the bed and hugged her and while I was hugging her, slipped the quarters under the pillow. Step one complete, but I did not find the tooth.

Then Leila remembered that the tooth fairy should have been there so she lifted the top pillow to see if the tooth is gone. The light was still off, so we couldn't see the tooth, but I brushed my hand gently over the pillow, looking for it, felt it, and squeezed it between two fingers and said, "tooth is gone!"

Cargo delivered, payload retrieved, I told her to get her ass out of bed and get ready for school.

Actually I went back into my room where I stashed the tooth in the secret tooth collection receptacle where I keep all of her teeth, and did a little dance because I was so awesome.

Friday, February 10, 2012

Death and the Maiden

Yesterday was a bad day. But then it turned into a better day, but I was too tired from the bad day part to really enjoy it. My cat, you know the one I always complain about, she got really sick and I thought I was going to have to put her to sleep. I knew this day would come, and I knew it would suck, but I was unprepared for how much it would suck.

I've written about this cat, and about all my animals in fact, that I look forward to when they're all dead. I can absolutely see a life without animals. I love them, but I feel a little more business like about them than a lot of my animal-loving friends do. I thought that when the day came that I would have to put one of them down, I would face it with loving dignity, shed a few tears, and move on. That's almost what happened, but a few tears turned into lots of tears. It wasn't so much the thought of living without my fat, black, bored, hateful cat that bothered me, it was the burden of making the decision to end her boring life. It sucks donkey balls, man.

As it turned out, though, I didn't have to put her to sleep. Hopefully, with some non-extraordinary medications, she will be fine, and go one to rule the neighborhood with her ripped ear and her scowl. I think she may be disappointed. The way she saunters out in front of moving cars makes me think she yearns for death, but we'll keep her around a little longer. Could be as little as a week, but maybe years. We always thought she'd be the kind of cat that would live to be 22 years old just to annoy us.

You're a good girl, Sunny, even if I'm the only member of the family who thinks so, and I look forward to letting you shed and drool on me for at least another week!

Monday, February 6, 2012

Does anyone have a Ricola?

Have I told you that my parents' house is trying to kill me? Ever since it rained a few weeks ago, I have had the worst allergies of my life. I always get a little hay fever in the spring, but when I go inside and close the windows it goes away. Now I'm inside with the doors and windows closed, I've taken Claritin, ibuprofin, I'm on my third bag of lozenges, and I'm still a complete mess.

I think its mildew or mold spores. My parents' house is very dark and dank, so that must be what it is. My mom is in complete denial that her house is giving me the allergy equivalent of a sinister "Get out!" whisper.

I've eaten so many lozenges that there is no longer any fun in singing, "Reeeee-co-laaaaaa!"

I thought maybe it was dust, so I vacuumed and dusted my butt off in this bedroom, washed all the sheets, etc. and there is no difference. So, I think I just have to live with this until I move out, which will hopefully be in two weeks. It is supposed to rain tomorrow, so maybe I'll get really lucky and these allergies will get worse!

Are lozenges addictive?