Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Cat, or Demon Seed?

I think my cat is feeling much better.  His fur is soft rather than straw-like, and he's become very demanding.  He's like a cantankerous old man with a deceptive, kitten face.  He follows me around and meows.  He begs while we are having dinner.  He is on my lap the minute I sit down, shedding his soft fur on me (which may sound lovely to a cat lover, but, as it turns out, I prefer my cats sleeping in a corner, leaving me alone.)  He gets very annoyed when the toilet lid is down, and meows at me until I correct the situation.  He meows at me to put fresh water in his many water bowls several times a day, and he prefers to watch me fill them so he knows its fresh, like he doesn't trust me (I wish I were making this up.)  He cannot stand to see the bottom of the food bowl, so every now and then I have to shake it level so the bottom is hidden before I fill it up again.  Now that he is well hydrated and feeling better, he has opinions, man.

We are giving him fluids every night.  It is best to approach him while he is sound asleep, but he generally takes it okay.  I am also giving him lots of extra loves and pets and snuggles and trying not to get too mad when he pukes on my bed.  Which is why the following was so very offensive to me.

I had had a long day of doing laundry and housework and whatever else I was doing, and I had just laid down on the bed for a little quiet time.  It was around four in the afternoon, and that is always the hour that I feel the need to collapse.  Just as I laid down, Kitty starting meowing at me.  I did not want to get up and check the toilet lid, so I ignored him and hoped he would find some other source of water.  He hopped up on the bed, ostensibly for a snuggle, but instead of snuggling me, that rat bastard backed up, lifted his tail and pissed all over me.  And I don't mean a little dribble, or an accidental leak.  It was a deliberate deluge of cat pee.  It kept coming and coming, and no matter how I yelled, he wouldn't stop.  I didn't want him to get it on the bed, so I leaned into the stream of pee to shield the bed.  It didn't work.  I was soaked through, and the bed got wet, too.

Can you believe this shit?  After all we've done for this animal!  After all the vet bills and special foods and fluids, he pisses all over me!! And do you know why?  It was not the toilet lid after all;  There were a few stacks of folded laundry that were making it difficult - though not impossible! - to get to his food.  He just had to eat his six kibbles right at that moment, and didn't want to step around the stacks of laundry, so, naturally, he peed on me. I mean what would you do?

I called the vet, at first thinking it was a sign of deterioration, and she laughed her ass off.  Not a sign of impending death, apparently.

Doesn't he know that I am keeping him alive?  That I hold the key to his comfort and longevity?  That I could just bag this whole business and take him in for The Big Sleep? Ungrateful little shit.

It was a good thing that I left for vacation a few days later, I really needed a break from that guy.  I'm still not quite over it.