I helped a friend clean out her closet today... (tangent: this is a sick little fetish I have. Show me a messy closet, and my adrenaline starts pumping and I just want to jump in and clean it out. I want to bring bags of stuff to goodwill, I want to organize things by color, I get a little amped about it. Its a little unsettling) ... and I realized something: I have no clothes.
The more closets I see, the more I realize that I may not be entirely normal when it comes to clothes. Exhibit A) When I really need a pair of jeans (and right now I have two pair that are patched nine ways from Sunday, and I do not feel like I need a pair of jeans) I go out and suffer through the trying-on process and hopefully, if I'm lucky, walk away with one pair of jeans. I then wear that very pair of jeans every single day until I wear holes in them. This can take about three to six months (thanks, Gap.) If I liked the jeans in the first place (not always the case, sometimes I just buy some to get it over with and hate them the whole time) I will cut up a pair of Leila's old jeans and patch up the holes. I have a pair right now with four or five patches on them. As I write this, I am getting more and more depressed.
It turns out, women seem to have more than one pair of jeans. They have lots of them. And they don't wear out in six months because A) they don't wear the same pair every day and B) they wear things besides jeans, like white pants, or skirts, or work out clothes. Huh. Work-Out Clothes is a whole category I don't even have. I have two categories: clothes, and pajamas. End of list.
Exhibit B: Right now, I am feeling especially fancy because I have three bras in rotation. They were on sale, so I bought the same one in three colors. Normally, I have one bra that I wear every day. Every. Single. Day. When I need to wash it, I stay home, and when the underwire finally cries uncle, I go to Macy's and find a new one. If the underwear drawers of my friends are any indication, this is also not normal.
There are a couple of things at work here: 1: I am not a size small, or even medium, so shopping is not a fun day out for me. Its an excruciating exercise in self loathing and humiliation. 2) My house is small enough that I don't have room for 15 bras and a dozen pair of jeans. I don't even want to think about what the pile at the end of my bed would look like if I did. 3) Since I don't like shopping in the first place, shopping for bargains is an even bigger pain in the ass. I find that if you really want some good deals, you have to shop on a regular basis, and that is about the last thing in the world that I want to do. I go shopping about four times a year, buy two to three items, squeeze myself into them and go on with my life.
So what do you think? Do I sound normal to you? Should I clean out my boring t-shirts and patched up jeans and do a little shopping? Should I bite the bullet? Checks can be made out to Bored Housewife...