Tuesday, November 24, 2009


I still feel a little drunk, if you can believe that. My friend said that xanax may not be the drug for me, but given this lovely, sleepy, tipsy feeling that I have at 9 in the morning, 21 hours after I took the little pink pill, I think it is EXACTLY the drug for me.

The dental appointment went as well as could be expected, and other than Dr. Adorable having to firmly tell me to keep my hands down, I was well behaved. My jaw is achy this morning, so no BJs for me. Darn it.

Here's another thing, though, something that killed my soul a tiny teeny bit. I was telling Leila about how my mom never walked me to school and got to stay in her bathrobe while I dragged my ass to the school bus, and she said, "Maybe today you could just walk me to the edge of campus and I'll go in by myself." Then she saw the look on my face, the look that said, "My little baby is leaving me!!!!!" and she said, "Tomorrow it will all be back to normal, I promise." That's when I started to feel like a loser. She's in second grade, I think she can make it from the edge of campus to her class room. She could walk all the way to school by herself, with her eyes closed, I'm sure, but this is our special time when we walk the dog and talk and joke around and watch the sun come up and look at the egrets and I give her a hug and a kiss and its all warmy and lovey.

We compromised: I told her that I like to see my friends on the campus in the morning, so I walked her to the lunch tables, and she walked the rest of the way. The minute we were at the very far edge of the lunch tables, she hugged me and said, "Bye, Mommy! Wish me luck!" as if there was a chance that she would become disoriented and lost in the fifty feet that separate her classroom from where we were standing.

This is the beginning. Soon, she'll want me to leave at the edge of campus. Then it will be at the entrance to the park. But that is as far as it will go until at least forth grade. I will not be shoved aside before then! Maybe I should relish this freedom, but I don't. I mean, as long as I have to get up and make her lunch and get dressed anyway, I may as well hang out with her as long as possible until that second grade classroom gobbles her up for the day, right?

I think I'll watch some home movies and lament the passing of days, now...

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