I went to Ikea. I have to stop going there. As part of the redo of the living room, we need a new rug. What we want is simple and easy to find, but I have a hard time spending $400 on something I know my family is going to trash. We have a dog who may well chew it. We do not remove our shoes when we come in the house. We routinely eat and drink things like chocolate ice cream and red wine in the living room. Stuff gets thrown on the floor, like backpacks and purses and shoes and dog toys and grocery bags and all kinds of things that contribute to the trashing of rugs. Also, there's my dog's obsession with woodchips. Any rug we get in here will last three years tops, and that's just not enough return on a $400 investment. Now, you may ask me, Couldn't you change your slovenly ways? And the answer is Are you kidding me? Why don't I just lose 50 lbs. while I'm at it? I know myself; this is who I am. I have enough personal challenges with food and exercise and dental work, and I simply cannot be bothered to tackle being a neater person right now. Or ever. Love me, love my mess. And I know you do.
So, I go to Ikea with the specific plan of finding a rug, a night table for Rob, some pretty holiday candles, and a set of sheets that I already own but love so much I want another set. You wanna know what happened? The same thing that always happens at Ikea; they were out of stock of the rug I wanted, they don't have any pretty holiday candles, and they don't carry my favorite sheets anymore. I did find a night table for Rob, and its still in the back of the car. What will happen now is that we will open the box and find that it is the wrong color/missing pieces/broken.
You'd think I would have saved a lot of money not finding what I was looking for, but I didn't and you know why? I did what everyone who goes to Ikea does, I loaded up on a bunch of shit I don't need. Four rolls of wrapping paper. Four picture frames that I don't actually have pictures for. Two glass votive candle holders. Construction paper for Leila. Some normal, boring candles. Batteries. $161 worth of bullshit. I went there so I could NOT spend too much money on a rug, and look what happens? That's it, I just can't go there anymore.
Then I went to lunch and came home and took a nap. But I watched the Oprah that was all about porn first. She says that one in three people who look at porn are women. Duh. Why is this so shocking? Raise your hand if you ever watch porn... See? Do you know how many people hit this blog while looking for porn? One of my recent search keywords was Bored Housewife Mild Porn. The other one that keeps popping up is Housewife Tori, probably because of my love of Tori Spelling.
Leila is squealing in the bathtub because she has shampoo in her eyes and I find this endlessly annoying. Does that make me a bad mom? What makes you a bad mom, besides your porn?
Thanks to L.SJ for this one...