I have a little bit of the blues over the old birthday. I don't care about the age thing, whatever, but I just can't seem to have a happy birthday. I even left the state this year to minimize my yearly birthday disappointment, and it followed me. I'm not sure if the external factors are exactly what I think they are and I'm not crazy for feeling blue, or if I'm just one of those people who is destined to be impossible to please. I just don't think the latter is true. And I can be really freakin' good at other people's birthdays; not every person, every year, without fail, but I can really pull out the stops when I am inspired, which I often am. Sometimes I don't even send a card, but sometimes I'm a damn birthday genius. And you know what? Its not that hard. Its not a stretch. It doesn't cause me stress or tax my faculties. It brings me joy.
I've considered canceling future birthdays and just taking myself to a movie and buying myself a present and getting my eyebrows waxed or something, but I'm afraid people would think I was eschewing my forties or being a drama queen, and neither of those things are accurate. So, I guess I'll just keep having stupid birthdays and smiling and saying thank you when I'd really rather forget the whole thing.
In other news, its crab night tonight. CRAB! My favorite ritualistic meal. You sit, you pick, you drink, you lick your fingers. Some people eat as they go, some make a pile (that would be me.) East coasters eat it warm, west coasters eat it cold. Some people eat it as is, some people dip it in butter, but I make a delicious mix of mayonnaise and curry powder that I dip my fork into and then spear some crab and create the perfect bite. It takes forever, you have plenty of time to get wasted, and the more you drink the sillier you get, and you laugh, and drool a little and go to bed full and happy. Crab is love. Crab is joy. Crab would probably be a disgusting insect if you turned the ocean and the land inside out, and people wouldn't eat it any more than they would eat - actually, I can't think of a gross insect that someone on the earth wont eat - but you know what I mean.
So, even though my birthday is Monday, I'm officially changing it to tonight. Crab and best friends make everything better. And ambien. Ambien is pretty good.