Thursday, June 25, 2009

Kill Me

You know what I want? I want to sleep in a place where animals don't wake me up. My cat likes to walk all over me and purr at all hours of the night, and then jumps down and crunches his food. The dog whimpers in his crate in the morning, and I get up because I think he has to pee, but, no, he's just lonely and awake. I let him out of his crate, and feed the other stupid cat who is as the front door, crying like she hasn't eaten in weeks, while, in truth, she's so damn fat from eating the neighbor's cat food. Then the dog is ringing his bell by the back door, so I open the door, and he just stares at me wagging his tale. When he finally goes outside, maybe on the third time I open the door for him, he runs around the yard for a while, and then he starts barking. I go to the back door to let him in, and he runs away. I close the door, he barks some more. In a normal morning, I get up from a seated or reclined position about 15 times to take care of stupid animals.

Today was supposed to be a sleeping-in day. Rob was supposed to go back to work today, but woke up in the wee hours with a screaming headache, and is now sleeping it off in bed. So in addition to administering to all the animals and their stupid needs, I am trying to tip toe around, and not wake Daddy. I snuggled in Leila's bed with her and read her a few chapters of the book we're gnawing on, but she wanted me to stop mid chapter, and she put her head under her covers because she said my breath was bad. Well, suck it up, sister, yours is no treat, either.

AND ANOTHER THING! Why - WHY! - must people in my neighborhood have gardeners who start with their blowers and their mowers at 7 in the morning? I just want some peace, people! I want to be able to take care of my own needs, like - I don't know - going to the bathroom before I take care of the needs of children and animals and husbands! Jeez!

And now, to top things off, Leila is playing puppy, and is in her room... barking. Someone kill me.

p.s The dog was just barking outside, for the second time this morning, and my blood is already boiling so I stomped off to kill him, and when I went outside to strangle the shit, the pocket of my bathrobe caught on the door handle and ripped off. I think I'm gonna cry. I'm checking into the motor lodge tonight, I swear to God.


k said...

Wow - now I don't think I can complain about Ethan waking me 2x every night and my cat 1x....

joanna nelson said...

How was Howard Johnson's last night?