Monday, April 13, 2009

Sickness by the Numbers

So, I got a big strep infection, again, and I had to stay in the hospital for a few days, again. Here's the tally, including both hospital stays:
Total days in the clink: 14
CT Scans: 2
MRIs: 1
Echo cardiograms: 2
EKGs: 3 (maybe more, I can't remember)
Trans-esophogial echo cardiogram (oh yeah, baby): 1
Chest x-rays: 3
IVs: 7
PICC lines: 1
Foley catheters: 1
blood cultures: ?
blood draws: too many to count
ABGs: 3
Bone scans: 1
Another scan that I don't remember the name of but it tested my gall bladder: 1
Specialists seen: 5
Total number of doctors in the mix: 10
Number of organs whose removal was contemplated: 2 (if you count tonsils)
Nurses: lost count
Nurses who said they would look the other way if I wanted my husband to sneak our dog into my room: 1
Nurses with weird names: half (Dechen, Marvi, Innocent, Bhima...)
Number of hospital rooms: 4
Number of hospital rooms with a killer view: 2
Showers: 1
Sponge baths: 1
Theraputic massages: 1
Therapy dog visits: 0
Number of different drugs: I have no idea
Number of medications or procedures refused: 2
Best way to eat two potassium tablets: mashed in ice cream.
Best way to not get your IV line tangled on your IV pole while going to the bathroom: keep the LED screen facing you at all times.
Number of mix CDs made for me by a PTA board member who read my last blog post about hating being on the PTA board and whose husband sometimes rides the same bus into the city as my husband: 3
Number of super nice nurses and techs and phlebotomists: most
Number of episodes of What Not to Wear watched, because there never seemed to be anything else on: at least a dozen
Number of demented ER patients yelling, "I have to have a bowel movement so I can celebrate Easter!": 1
Number of hospital visitors in the hallway that looked like the red baron: 1
Number of people in costume: 0
Number of kind-of hot doctors: 2
Number of times by left boob was exposed to the world: 5
Number of Bahamian-born gurney transport guys: 2 (especially fun when they take you to your echo, and they sound just like the guy in Lost from season one, Mista Echo)
Number of male nurses: 3
Number of male nurses with weird names: 2
Number of times I laughed so hard a nurse came in: 1
Number of tears shed: one million
Number of kinds of bacteria: 2 (strep A and G)
Number of times I want to go back into the hospital: 0
Number of things that still might be wrong with me: 2 (or a lot more if you count character flaws)
Number of things that are definitely not wrong with me: a lot.
Number of times I thanked my lucky stars that I'm not dead: not done counting yet.


Anonymous said...

Was it the patient that looked like the Red Baron that was talking about taking a poo before celebrating Easter?

joanna nelson said...

Your left boob got out only five times in 14 days?