Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Pudgy Bunny

You know what Leila said yesterday? She had a friend over, and that friend saw an empty coke bottle on the table and she said, "Leila! You drink coke?!?!" and Leila's all, "No my mom does. She drinks coke every day, that's why she's fat."

I'll let that sink in for a minute...

I am deciding that my drinking of coke is like aversion therapy, and that I am ensuring that Leila will be a healthier adult than I am. Such a good parent I am, no?

For the record, its not like it was a 2 liter bottle on the table, it was one of those mini 12 oz bottles. Also, its not as it I'm suckin' on a coke all day, or that I keep an emergency six-pack in my car or anything. I try to limit my soda intake to 1 mini bottle a day, or less. Or more. Sometimes more, but not regularly. I also do not think my coke habit is the reason I'm fat. Its not exactly my weight loss secret either, but I don't think its what's pushing me over the edge. In fact, remember back when I stopped drinking soda for a while? I didn't lose an ounce. You want to know why I'm fat? I'll give you all the reasons: 1) I love to eat and I hate to exercise. 2) Eating out is my favorite sort of entertainment. 3) I have hormone issues (I know this sounds like I'm blaming some wayward glands, but its true. My hormones are all effed up.) 4) I think I have a thyroid issue, though nobody can find one. 6) I got my body-type genes from my dad's side of the family. Not good. I also got my dad's love of food and drink and sitting. And his boobs. 7) Cake.

The other day while I was taking my walk (yes, I WALKED. With my actual legs, while wearing actual sneakers. It was like exercise, only slower.) I spied the shadow of my ass and it was jiggling. Awesome.

So coke does not help, but it is not the root cause of my fatness. Suck on that, Leila.

4 comments:

lama said...

Cal pulled the same c**p with me last night when I didn't eat any meat with dinner - "Oh, so you're not as fat as you are now?" I will be really glad when these guys figure out that there are some things you just don't say to mommy!

Bored Housewife said...

Or than there is more to life than Thin. Like Klondike bars...

Anonymous said...

Mini 12 oz bottle???????

Since when did the 12 oz bottle become mini?

Coke came in 10 oz bottles long ago. THEN the 12 oz bottle became standard....and now fat Americans think nothing of drinking it in its 64 oz form.

Wake up, your daughter is RIGHT ON, you are the one slow getting the message

Bored Housewife said...

Are you the same anonymous who said I was a horrible person? Well I'm going to give you this one: Coke is terrible!! Which is why I cut my consumption way down years ago. The 12 oz bottle holds as much a can, and there at 16.9 oz. bottle that are meant to be a single serving. It takes me all day to drink a 12 oz bottle. There is also a tiny can, but I tried those and I end up drinking more because I can't sip it throughout the day. I know its bad, I know , I know...