Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Please Pass the Crack Pipe

I'm in a piss ass mood.

I've done my semi-productive housewifey thing: some laundry, some dishes, some grocery shopping, I walked the dog and myself, showered, shaved, blow dried, dressed, even put a little make up on. Now I'm done.

I'm going to park myself on the couch in front of the TV and eat jelly bellies 'til I puke.

Then later I'm going to pick up the kid and take her to the library so she can pick out some new audio books, and, you know what? Thank God! She has been listening to the same three audio books FOR MONTHS. She can recite all of them, and one is an unabridged 371 paged book. I don't even want to think about all the precious brain space that is being taken up by the memorized audio books. Probably the same amount that I use holding on to useless facts about Duran Duran (Nick Rhodes' birthday is coming up next month. I swear to God...)

AND ANOTHER THING! On Sunday morning, the morning that there was no man and no kid in the house, the morning I was going to stretch out in my bed and sleep in, on freakin' Mother's day, the lamest holiday EVER, next to Father's Day, my fabulous drip system exploded. Well, it didn't really explode, I'm just feeling a little dramatic today. The end of the black hose that all the little black hoses come out of, is bent over and wrapped in electrical tape, per the instructions of my buddy, Sarge, at Orchard Supply. At 6:30 a.m., the time the drippers are suppose to start dripping, the force of the water shot the electrical tape off and water was gushing all over my deck and making clackity clack sounds on the pavement below. It took me a minute to talk myself out of ignoring it, but I finally went outside, in my pjs, down to the water valve, and started pressing all kinds of buttons on the timer trying to get the thing to turn off. I was too sleepy to remember that I could just turn off the water. Genius. So now I'm all wet, its 6:30 in the morning, freakin' mother's day, and I'm wide awake. Shit.

Did I mention I'm in a piss ass mood?


Alice said...

I think you need a little clampy thing for your irrigation. Electrical tape - no way! Duct tape, on the other hand, might work.

Bored Housewife said...

I got a specialized hose capper deal. I'm all set. Except some of my plants are drowning...