Bored Housewife: Praise Me like you Should

So check this out. You know that auction project that I was going on and on about? The one that I was kvetching about having to do, and then crowing about having done? Well, here's what happened: I walked into the auction to bid on the project for a friend who couldn't come (I wasn't gonna buy the thing for myself, Lord knows.) I found the project and it had a big sign on it that said In the Live Auction! Now, every year, the auction peeps, the ones who make it all happen, choose one or two projects that stand out, and auction them off during the live auction, and on Saturday, mine was one of them. I know I should really say it was the kids, and they did a great job, blah blah blah, but dammit, I'm taking the credit for this thing. Screw those kids.

Anyway, I was strutting like a peacock, thinking my shit didn't stink, and my project was the bomb. I was hitting the bar, I was loud and obnoxious, and having a great time. So, the live auction starts, and up comes our project. It was paraded around the room in front of everyone, upside down, but no matter, and then: A BIDDING WAR. I am not making this up, this really happened. So I am sitting there at my table, in shock, watching the price go up and up, and, readers, One Thousand Dollars. SOLD! Can you believe that shit???? Yeah Baby! Put your hands in the air! And swing 'em like you just don't care! Uh huh! That's right!

Well, after that, there was no shutting me up or keeping me away from the bar. I got wasted, it was awesome, I shook my booty, AND I remembered to take pics for this blog...

Before I show them to you, I just want to tell you about my outfit. The theme was Hollywood, so I went to Joanne's Fabrics and bought gold fabric and sequins material, and safety pins, and I borrowed a bunch of costume jewelry, and my mom lent me her 100 year old fox collar (not real, PETA, relax) (okay, it was real, sue me.) Then I put on my black leggings and black bra and tank top, and my mom came over and we tied things in knots and draped and fussed and everything was pinned to my bra straps. Its a good thing I have to wear such industrial strength bras because this outfit never would have survived one of those tiny Gap things. My objective was to be shiny, and I was. If you lifted the fur in the back, you could see all the knots and safety pins. One woman at our table went to Ross Dress For Less at two that afternoon and got a gorgeous full length Calvin Klein dress for $25. My dress cost more than that and it wasn't even a dress! It didn't even have, like, seams! Oh well, live and learn. The other objective was to avoid having to use a porta-potty, and even though I drank A LOT, I was successful in that endeavor. Rob thinks I'm crazy. So here it is, the party of the year!

Me, at home before hitting the bar. Nice hangy arms.