I finally got her out of bed this morning by standing in her doorway pointing a spray bottle of water at her head. Then it was all about... Sass. I'm not going to school today. Its not fair. I don't care if I lose a blue bead. I don't care if I don't eat breakfast. You can't make me. etc etc. So I had what can only be considered a rational response to a person who is determined to break you down first thing on a Monday morning. I yelled. Loud. And how.
"You know what? I CAN'T TAKE ONE MORE MINUTE OF YOUR SASS! Starting now, you are going to lose something dear to you every time you sass me. iPod? GONE! Wii? GONE! You name it, ITS GONE!
AND ANOTHER THING! Get your own self ready for school, I've had it! I'm going to mind my own business, and you can just figure it out, and if you're late to school, you can just march your self into the office and tell them why. I'M DONE!"
I think I got my point across without adding, "Shut the fuck up! I'm sick of this bullshit!" I didn't say that, but I really, really wanted to. I did throw a God-dammit in there, and that usually lets her know that I mean business.
I hate feeling that way in the morning. No one should have to start their day being crapped on by a seven year-old. Screw that. Amazingly, she did get herself ready for school, didn't skip any steps, packed her backpack, and we did not speak to each other at all, even while I was putting sun screen on her. Then we started walking to school, and the fresh air softened me a little bit and I told her that I just couldn't take it any more, and that I didn't deserve it, and she apologized and said it was all her fault. Which it was, really, but I still feel like a douche every time she says that.
This little episode came right on the heels of an afternoon spent watching home movies in which she is so cute, at age three, singing Rudolph, and reading books to herself, with her little lisp and her crazy hair. I had all these lovey-dovey feelings toward her, and then she went and ruined it. Damn kids. You love 'em and they drive you ape shit.