GC: Its On

All the other people who live in my house are asleep and it 10:15. I can't go to bed now. Its too hot, and I'm not tired, and I don't feel like going to sleep. What I really want is a bowl of the peanut butter 'n' chocolate ice cream from 31 Flavors that is calling to me from the freezer, but I'm afraid I really wont sleep after that.

So I've been thinking about my list from the last entry, and there was a comment that George Clooney is a commitment-phobe, and I was fantasizing about how I could totally be the one to change him, and while I was trying to fall asleep late (after I got out of bed and researched camping tables for a while) I imagined how the changing of him would go. I wouldn't actually have to do anything, it would just be my essence, my wit, my allure that would turn him into my lapdog. Here's what I came up with

Ring Ring (caller ID)

BH (that's me): Why, hello, George, I thought you'd never call.

GC: I just couldn't spend one more day without you. I've tried, but I just can't help myself. I've had smart, beautiful girls who will do absolutely anything I ask, but I'm tired of willowy twenty-somethings who give blow jobs on demand. I think what's been missing in my life is an over-weight suburban housewife with an arthritic knee and chin hairs. If I could have that, I'd be the happiest man in the world.

BH: But, what about my husband?

GC: Seriously? I'm George Clooney.

BH: True, but my child?

GC: Boarding school, naturally. You wont have time to care for her while I'm lavishing you with a luxurious lifestyle every day.

BH: Marvelous. I'm yours.

GC: On one condition: You can't lose a single pound between now and when I pick you up in my private jet. Eschew one jelly donut, and the deal is off. Oh, and no blow jobs.

BH: It will be tough, but I'll do my best.

Fin

That could totally happen, right? Monkeys could fly out of my butt, right?