Tuesday, July 14, 2009

GC: Its On

All the other people who live in my house are asleep and it 10:15. I can't go to bed now. Its too hot, and I'm not tired, and I don't feel like going to sleep. What I really want is a bowl of the peanut butter 'n' chocolate ice cream from 31 Flavors that is calling to me from the freezer, but I'm afraid I really wont sleep after that.

So I've been thinking about my list from the last entry, and there was a comment that George Clooney is a commitment-phobe, and I was fantasizing about how I could totally be the one to change him, and while I was trying to fall asleep late (after I got out of bed and researched camping tables for a while) I imagined how the changing of him would go. I wouldn't actually have to do anything, it would just be my essence, my wit, my allure that would turn him into my lapdog. Here's what I came up with

Ring Ring (caller ID)

BH (that's me): Why, hello, George, I thought you'd never call.

GC: I just couldn't spend one more day without you. I've tried, but I just can't help myself. I've had smart, beautiful girls who will do absolutely anything I ask, but I'm tired of willowy twenty-somethings who give blow jobs on demand. I think what's been missing in my life is an over-weight suburban housewife with an arthritic knee and chin hairs. If I could have that, I'd be the happiest man in the world.

BH: But, what about my husband?

GC: Seriously? I'm George Clooney.

BH: True, but my child?

GC: Boarding school, naturally. You wont have time to care for her while I'm lavishing you with a luxurious lifestyle every day.

BH: Marvelous. I'm yours.

GC: On one condition: You can't lose a single pound between now and when I pick you up in my private jet. Eschew one jelly donut, and the deal is off. Oh, and no blow jobs.

BH: It will be tough, but I'll do my best.


That could totally happen, right? Monkeys could fly out of my butt, right?


k said...

LOL!! Hilarious!!! It could happen.

Michelle said...

I've always said, "Anything is possible." And, everyone who's met my former husband's new wife say the same thing, "I don't get it, she's not even cute!" It worked with him, why not George??