Stupid Geese

Remember a few posts ago when I told you about the Canada geese in the park that were being scared off by a professional goose-scaring border collie, and I said that they go to the high school athletic fields? Well, I have an update. My town can't afford to release the hounds every week, so the border collie comes around every few weeks and that seems to keep the geese away for a couple of days, but then they slowly come back until the park is filled with them and their poop once again. I was driving near the high school today, and across from the athletic fields is another park with lots of grass and a creek, and the geese were all there, chillin', and I thought, "hm." So I shifted my gaze to the high school fields (all while driving, of course) and saw what looked like a very mad coyote-like animal, crouched and ready to pounce, only there was nothing to pounce at, and 20 yards or so behind him was his twin, another vicious animal, in the exact same position. They were fake angry goose-scaring dogs! They looked very real (from far away, in a moving car) and I almost pulled over to get a closer look, but there was no parking.

Geese must be really stupid. I can understand flying away from the border collie, as he could, if he were rabid and trained to attack, pose an actual threat. But don't they wonder what the fake dogs are snarling at? Its an empty field! And don't they think its weird that there are two identical snarling dogs in the same field? They're just not thinking critically.

I totally want to go back there and see what those dogs are made of. There must be a goose abatement factory somewhere, just churning out snarling dogs. In this economy, though, maybe they'll have to diversify their market. You could give a Snarling Dog to your elderly neighbor along with an accompanying CD of snarly sounds to scare away would be intruders. You could give a Snarly Dog to your kid instead of going through the hassle of a real dog (very lifelike!) You could use it as a centerpiece at a picnic and hope that bees are just as stupid as geese (not likely.) I could give one to my mom just to freak her out, and give her something else to judge. Now all we need is a jingle for Snarly Dog.

I went Christmas shopping this morning, after being amazed and delighted by the Snarly Dogs, and saw some cocktail napkins that had one of those fifties mom-like women on them with a caption that read, "Life's too short to cook for you people." I thought they made them just for me, and almost felt bad when I didn't buy them, but I realized the only time I might use them is when I have company, and I don't want to be rude. Now, a refrigerator magnet with the same slogan would be perfect. I already have tea towel that says "A clean house is a sign of a wasted life" and together they would make the perfect set.