Tuesday, December 16, 2008

No Wonder I Wear Elastic Waistbands!

I am such a pig. I was an eating machine today. I couldn't stop. How can something that feels so good and natural be soooooo bad?
Here is what I ate: I started the day with the cold second half of the shrimp, tomato, guacamole burrito I had for dinner last night. Then, I ate some scraps of home made caramel off its wax paper. Then, I was thirsty, so I had a coke (one of the small ones, but still) Then I went on errands and picked up a little grocery store sushi for lunch. Then, there was leftover cake in the fridge, about a third of a small cake, maybe more, and I powered that, one forkfull at a time until it was gone. Then, a friend called and said he was taking his kids to our local burger joint and did we want to join him, and of course we did! Rob said he wasn't that hungry and asked if I wanted to split something, but, inexplicably, I was hungry so I got my own cheeseburger with fries, and washed that down with 2/3 of a chocolate shake. I also had a cup of tea in there somewhere.
This is not a typical day. I usually don't have cake and sushi and cheeseburgers all in one day, and I don't know what got in to me. But it was all so good! And so easy! In my design of the after life, I am going to eat as much as I want of whatever I want, whenever I want, and it will all be free, delicious, and have no impact on my weight. I will look fabulous and never work out, and be completely sated all the time.
I'm full now. That last sip of chocolate milk shake did the trick. I will still have a little wine, though, because at this point, who cares?
It all started with hurting my foot. I stopped cooking, so we're not eating all the vegetables we were eating a few short weeks ago, and I couldn't do the eliptical anymore. I can do the bike, only hit hurts my butt after ten minutes. You'd think with all the padding I have back there I wouldn't feel a thing, but its excruciating. So, I'm up to my old tricks; buying myself little treats whenever I'm at the grocery store, not drinking water, not eating green things (although the frosting on the cake was green) and not exercising. I think I pretty much cover all the deadly sins by myself. "Why, oh why does living healthy have to be so hard??" she whimpered.
I was not a complete turd today, though. I have been having this problem lately where I do laundry, fold most of it, but don't put any of it away. It is all sorted neatly in various laundry baskets, so we just fish around in there for what we're looking for, but, frankly, my house is just too small for this kind of laziness. So today I did four loads of laundry, folded ALL of it, and put ALL of it away (except for Rob's, which I did fold and put on his pillow so he can file it away in his closet.) Not a total loss! I went to the post office, I walked the dog twice, I scanned the Newsweek, I obsessively checked my e-mail and now its time to watch a little garbage on TV, drink a little zinfandel, and hit the hay. Oh! I almost forgot! I almost took the most delicious nap! I was playing computer solitaire on the couch while Leila was playing with a friend in her room, and my eyes got heavy, so I put the computer down, rearranged the dog so we were spooning, and fell into the most wonderful sleep. Only to be awakened after ten minutes by a pair of six year olds demanding hot cocoa. It was perfect while it lasted...

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