The Turd is Back

I went back to the gym this morning, and it was a little harrowing. I dressed more appropriately, I had a water bottle, headphones, the whole bit, but I went earlier than last time and this was my mistake. There were probably half a dozen moms from my school there, all fit and fabulous. The working out part wasn't so bad, just the regular amount of torture, and everyone seemed to respect everyone else's anonymity, but I was a little self conscious about my channel surfing and kept looking at other people's screens to see what they were watching. I watched Regis and Kelly, and Roseanne, and flipped channels a little bit. Most people were watching CNN, a couple of people were watching the morning shows, no one else was watching Roseanne (which has to be one of the best shows, ever.) The horrifying part came after the workout when I went to the locker room.

I kind of prepared myself for this, but, really, I wasn't at all prepared. I brought clean clothes along and stuff, but I kind of forgot about the whole being-naked-in-front-of-other-people thing. I got in the shower as quickly as I could, I dried off in the shower, but the gym towels were not quite big enough to cover everything I wanted to cover, and I was terrified that I would run in to one of the fit school moms with all my bulges hanging out, and, even worse, that they would be able to see my total lack of confidence and elegance while nude, (because if you're going to be overweight, you should own it) and I'd have to change schools. Now, I am not a prude. I have been naked in public more than your average person; nude beaches, hot tubbing etc. but that was about 50 or 60 pounds ago. I don't want to see myself naked, let alone make anyone on the PTA see me naked. Really, no one deserves that kind of trauma, and the fact that my husband actually wants to see me naked from time to time is a testament to his strong stomach.

There was a woman there, easily in her fifties, walking around naked, and she had the cutest little rig you ever saw. If I looked like her, I be naked so much I'd get a arrested. I glanced at her getting dressed, and she had put on a thong. I can't wear those, I find them uncomfortable and my ass is way to big. But here she was, all svelt and perky in her little thong; rock on sister!

Luckily, I found a dark corner of the locker room and dressed quickly, and no one from school had to see me naked. I went to my car, and felt like a turd. But, on the way home, I talked myself out of the turdishness: All of these hot little mamas at the gym work their cute little asses off to look the way they do, and I can do that, too, if I want. I'm going to force myself to go back there again and again, until I can walk around naked without feeling like a complete loser! I lost another pound this week! I made a Halloween costume! I am not a turd!