Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Shut the hell up

     I have a shameful mothering thing to admit:  Sometimes, the very sound of my daughters voice drives me absolutely insane.  I feel most guilty about this when she is in a fine mood, and she's not whining or crying, or talking back.  She's just happy to be alive, and she's engaged in her surroundings and running off at the mouth.  Sometimes I have the fortitude and patience to listen and answer her questions, and sometimes its just maddening I want her to shut the hell up.  I have been so tempted, so often, just to yell "Shut the hell up!!!!"  
     Yesterday, we were in the car on the way to a playground to meet a friend, and all the way there she was asking things like, "Where's the park?  Is it Belvedere park?  Is that the park right there?  When will we get there? Do you know where it is?  Have you been there before?  Have I been there before? " and on and on and on.  She also back seat drives: "There's a parking space!  Why didn't you park there?  Why are you turning here?  Do you know where your going?  Do you need directions?"  I don't know if she's actually nervous about my ability to navigate around town, but she is always concerned that I don't know where I'm going.  I've lived here my whole life, 31 years longer than she's lived here; I know where I'm going!  What is it about me and my parenting style that reveals the mothering secret that no one ever tells you?  We are totally making things up as we go along!  When I was little, I thought my mom knew everything, was the creator and enforcer of all the laws of the universe, and had all the power there was.  Turns out, of course, that she was making stuff up, just like I do, and she didn't know a thing.  Also turns out, that her expectation for good grades was totally hypocritical since she was not the world's best student, but that's a whole other thing.  
     Most of the time, I feel like Leila thinks all the things about me that I thought about my mom; that I am the supreme ruler, and daddy is in charge of the lawn.  But when we are in the car, she seems to doubt my ability to do simple things like see red lights and find the freakin' playground.  I sure hope I inspire confidence in other ways, or it could mean trouble.  I will hear a lot of "Muh - therrr" as she shakes her little head at my total incompetence and fakery.
     I know that one day, not too long from now, I will long for the sound of her little 6 year-old voice, her lack of self consciousness, her silliness, but can I just have some peace and quiet once in a while?  Is it too much to ask?  If she really wants to doubt me on something, she should wait until she's in high school and finds out I can't really do calculus, or name all the state capitals in alphabetical order, rather than whether or not I now how to identify a one-way street.  Jeez.


Anonymous said...


My girls are confident in my navigation skills but don't think I know many actual facts. Homeschooling would be a disaster. It would be like, 'No mom, that's just not true." I'm convinced I can retrain them by the time they are in high school.

Anonymous said...

My kids look at my like I'm on a crack pipe; they've ceased asking questions.


Anonymous said...

Eric, You're not on a crack pipe?