Animals are such a pain in the ass. After spending over $400 on my old, miserable cat a few months ago, I just spent $200 on my dog who, apparently, has seasonal allergies. The little fucker. Seasonal Allergies? Really?
As a result of these allergies, he has an ear infection, an ass infection (the vet squirted puss out of his anal glands and, I can tell you, that's not an image that will leave my mind any time soon) and irritated paws. He has four different medications, and a cone. Are you freakin' kidding me with this?
And my other cat woke me up four times last night. Once by puking on my new rug. Why do animals always puke on the rug or the bed? Don't they know that the wood floor is infinitely easier to clean? I have pulled a cat mid-puke off the rug to show him, but he doesn't learn. Then he woke me up my licking the bottom of a cereal bowl with a spoon in it so it was tinkling against the bowl, then he purred in my face and snuggled with my arm, then later he pulled kleenex out of the kleenex box. Four times in two hours. Little fucker.
One day, no more animals. I mean it.