$ummer

If you happen to have kids, you know that while the frost is still on the new buds, and its still raining, and the heater is still popping on in the morning, you have to start thinking about summer.  Scratch that: you have to plan your entire summer.  Camps are filled by April, camping sites are booked, and airplanes are filling up.  I am so not ready to start thinking about summer.  If you've read me for any length of time, you know I hate the heat, so there's that, but this year is especially confusing. 

With this, maybe, impending construction, it throws everything up in the air.  I don't know if we'll even be living in our house during the summer, which means that L's stuff will be all packed up, and we might not go anywhere, and she is going to have to have something to do.  Last year we didn't go anywhere and she wasn't signed up for any camps.  We just stared at each other all summer long.  It was excruciating.  For both of us.

So this year I have done a little research and I am actually contemplating spending an ungodly amount of money for 20 days of day camp that we can use whenever we feel like it during the summer.  This way, no matter where we travel or what we do to our house, I can stash her at camp when I need to, and we can get out of each other's hair.  Thing is, I am having trouble pulling the trigger.  For what I will pay for this camp, I could probably buy half of my kitchen cabinets.  Or two new windows.  Or a room of hardwood floor.  God, its expensive. 

So I am thinking of it as the first of our construction expenses.  I have fantasies about being a little DIY goddess and refinishing my own doors and doing my own painting, and if I'm going to do this, little girl is going to have to disappear for 7 hours at a pop.  And if I don't get to do any construction, and I am sad and depressed all summer, I will go to this camp, and she can hang out with my mom.

This place has a "cafe" that is open all day.  I could eat ALL DAY!  They also have a reading room, and all kinds of crafts and stuff, it looks so fun!  How fun would it be to have a bunch of adults go to camp?  We'd just have to add a cocktail making class and a construction-for-middle-aged, out-of-shape women class, and it would be AWESOME!

Yucatan if you want To*

I have been getting a lot of manicures lately.  It started out as an indulgent little treat, but now its getting boring.  I feel a little stuck in it now because without a manicure my nails look wrecked, and I could do it myself at home, but I like changing colors.  Its the most spoiled and ridiculous "problem."  Anyway, I was at the manicure place yesterday, alone, no one to talk to, can't read the In Style magazine because my hands are otherwise occupied, but there are two women behind me getting pedicures, so I decide to eaves drop.

Here's the "problem:"  They whispered all the good parts of the conversation.  I learned that the one woman's husband's name is Steve, and they seem to be having some issues.  This is what I heard: " So I glance and Steve's computer and I see this Twitter thing that says pssswssswssswsssswsssss and I didn't know if I should bring it up to him, so I asked pssswssswss and she said that her husband pssswssswssswsss." COME ON!  Throw a girl a bone!  I was getting very irritated, I almost turned my head around and said "make this interesting, please!  I'm bored over here!"  If you're going to get into the nitty gritty in the manicure place, don't whisper.  Its just rude!  It was clear that they were talking about marriage and sex and suspicion, but all the good parts were bleeped out.  Most boring manicure EVER.

I have a day with nothing on the calendar today.  I'm still full from eating my weight in Mexican food over the weekend, so going to lunch is out of the question.  I've got to fold some whites, and I could take this time to clean out the linen closet, but I'd really rather watch decorating shows on TV.  Turns out there are tons of reruns on HGTV and the DIY network.  I've seen the same kitchen remodels a few times, I'm ready for some new ones.  My remodel ideas are coming fast and furious, but we're still waiting for plans.  I've picked out all my new appliances, even though we aren't getting new appliances, and picked out all my finishes even though there's no plans or permits.  In my head this whole process is already done.

I am really uninspired lately, for writing anyway.  If you have questions about kitchen remodels, I have inspiration up the wazoo...

*the name of my nail polish color.

Out with the Old...

I am a bad, bad blogger.  I've been a pretty good mom and housewife lately, but that doesn't make for a good blogger, does it?  If you're still checking in, thanks for your persistence. 

I've been, you know, doing laundry, cooking dinners, driving on field trips and all that stuff.  But, really: who am I trying to kid?  That stuff doesn't take all that long.  So what have I really been doing?

People, I have had an enormous, almost spiritual experience involving my house.  If all goes well, we may embark on a remodel project, a small one compared to what happens in my neighborhood almost every summer, but huge to me.  It seems that once you finally let go of all the dreams you had that will never come true, and you decide that everything you thought was permanent and couldn't possibly change is completely up for grabs, the universe just floods your head with ideas and adrenaline.  I have stared at these walls for almost 14 years, and I NEVER visualized what I have been able to visualize in the last week.  I wont bore you with details, but I can think of nothing else, I'm losing sleep, and I haven't been so excited about anything since Lost was on the air.  I think it may have something to do with turning 40.  I asked Rob if he thought I was having a midlife crisis, and he said, "well, if you are, then its got a better return on investment than a boob job or a Porsche."

My eyes are bleary from looking at pictures of kitchens on the internet, I have watched more HGTV than anyone has a right to, but I am pumped!!!  Stay tuned for construction blog!!

Huh? Wha?

You know, there's is nothing like sitting on your ass for a whole week to make you tired.  I read three books, I rested, I relaxed, and now I'm exhausted.  I have a whole list of things that I need to do today, but I will be happy if I can accomplish two of them, and I've already gotten out of bed, so I have one to go.  I was kind of awake and on it yesterday, but today I can hardly keep my eyes open.

At least we're unpacked.  Mostly.  There are trips where the suitcases sit around the hallway for a week, and I'm digging make up out of the toiletry bag piece by piece for a while before everything is put away.  This time there are freshly washed bathing suits hanging in the bathroom, a pile of mail that still needs to be gone through, but that's about it.

I came back from dropping L off at school and decided to go back to bed until 10.  I woke up at 11, and watched TV, and I'm still trying to form a coherent thought.  I think I need to start by going to the vet's office and picking up Perry's ugly-ass blanket that was left there.  Then I need to hit the supermarket.  I don't need anything there, I just want to walk up to it and hit it as hard as I can because I hate the supermarket so much.  Have I told you that once my Dad "retired" my mom stopped going to the market and made him do it?  I think this anti-shopping thing must be genetic.  The moment Rob retires, I'm handing him a list and shoving him out the door with both hands.  If I never see the inside of another super market it wont be too soon. 

What the hell am I talking about?  I've got nothing.  Too tired.  No right to be tired, and yet...

Don't hate me

Just in case you are sitting at home, biting your nails to the quick and losing sleep because you're worried about what has happened to me, fear not.

I am in Hawaii on vacation.  And while that may sound idyllic and wonderful, permit me to whine for just a moment.  (Oh, I know what you're thinking:  how dare I whine when I am on a tropical vacation sponsored entirely by my parents?  Well, you are absolutely right, sir, but whine I will.  Deal with it.)

The weather:  cloudy, rainy, and no trade winds to blow this shit out of here.  Humid, sticky.  But, still on vacation.

The place: No kitchen, just a wet bar, which sounds good, but I am getting mighty tired of bread, cheese and fruit.  I'm not in France, I'm in Hawaii, and I want something cooked, like a fried egg and some bacon. For dinner, I want sushi...  And another thing, I have never been to a place where the asses outnumber the chairs by the pool.  I went down there this morning early to reserve 5 seats, and sat there in the rain.  We have our seats, though, dammit!  I saw this once on Bernie Mac show, but I thought it was fiction.  Also, we are on a bay rather than the ocean.  What is Hawaii without ocean?

I managed to lose Rob's glasses on the beach yesterday.  Miraculously, I found them.  He couldn't help me look because HE COULDN'T SEE!

I vowed I would read my book club book if it killed me, and it almost did.  I haven't actually finished a book club book in months, so I sat by the pool reading about the plague.  You read that right, The Plague.  Good book, if you don't mind reading about corpses and puss and putrescence, while in Hawaii.

I admit it.  I am ashamed.  At least a little bit.  I really needed this vacation.  I really needed a prolonged period where I could sit on my ass and read and sleep and drink.  It really beats not reading, not sleeping and not drinking. It also beats doing dishes, ferrying children to and fro, picking up dog poo, and figuring out what's for dinner.

Aloha, see you next week!

Flop, Smash, Repeat

I had my first mammogram this morning.  I was thinking that I would come home and have some funny stories to tell you about it, but I don't.  Flop, smash, repeat, done.  I wouldn't want to keep my boobs in that vice all day long, but for those 30 seconds, it was a piece of cake.

I made Rob an actual dinner last night.  We've been eating Trader Joes and take out for the past month, so I went all out and made him a nice dinner.  Didn't turn out as well as I thought it would.  Its been a while since I cooked, and I guess I kind of forgot how.  He didn't care, he'll eat anything.  I also did four loads of laundry AND folded it all AND put it away.  It was nice to do laundry because I had full loads to do and not just because we were all desperately out of underpants and towels.  My dryer is making a weird noise again.  I'm going to ignore it for as long as I can.  I just don't have the strength to deal with more appliance problems. 

A week from tomorrow, I'm off to Hawaii for much needed rest and relaxation and mai tais.  Until then, it will be a mad rush to get all my work done, get everything waxed, and eat all the food in the fridge.  I think I'll start that part now...

I'M FREE!

Its over!!!!  The Variety Show is over, and I have my life back!  My life looks like a complete mess right now, so I think I'll ignore it for a little while longer and hang out with you guys.

I don't feel right posting video of kids without their parents' permission, so I wont make you watch stuff, but let me tell you, these kids were ON FIRE!  The shows went off without a hitch.  I learned a tremendous amount (like how the chairs get to the gym floor, and that we actually have stage lights...) and the big question is whether or not I would do this again...  I really want to say no.  I mean, I REALLY want to say no.  My family and home so got the shaft in the last month, but when those little kids came off stage and I saw their faces and they hugged me and they were so euphoric and proud...  Well, that was pretty awesome and very rewarding.  So we'll see, I guess.

Here are some little tidbits.

1) 4th grade girls have a mean streak.  Watch your back.

2) All the girls had some make up on for their performances, and there was this one crew who had obviously been made up - I guess you could call it tastefully, even though I had some Toddlers and Tiaras flashbacks, - by a parent before the show.  They call me over mid show to ask if they can go back to the "green room" to touch up their make up.  I say no, your make up looks fine, you look beautiful, its almost your turn.  Fine.  I come back a few minutes later to find the older sister of one of the girls with a full make up kit, piling more make up on them in the dark.  Its not good make up either, its kid make up, all oily.  So I shoo the kid and her make up kit away, and get the girls back stage to await their star turn.  Unknown to me, the curtain puller sees them and told me later that they had lipstick on their noses and all over their faces.  She licks her finger and tries to get it off, and then sacrifices the sleeve of her sweater and tries to wipe a bunch of it off, and manages to get them looking like 85 year-old blind women who have put on their make up on a moving bus. In the dark.  Lesson learned: must email parents about make up and older sisters...

3) Parents are incredible, and not always in a good way.  It was all I could do to get the performers to stay in their seats and behave both before but especially after their performances, and the audience was asked to wait until the end of the performance to go congratulate their performers.  I swear, three times I had to tap a parent on the shoulder who was talking to their kid, handing them flowers etc.,  and remind them that someone else' kid was on stage now and could they please take their seat.  They would look at me like I was some kind of shrew!  My feeling was, if you wouldn't wander around the theater during the nutcracker at Christmas, don't do it at my Variety show.  It was hard enough getting kids to take their seats.  Some were just wandering around the whole time, and would glare at me when I told them to sit down and stay down.  Wonder where they ever got those attitudes from?

So that's all I have to say about the Variety Show for now.  I have a little time to clean up a little more, and then I'm off to a well deserved lunch and a manicure!  Being me is awesome.