Tuesday, January 7, 2014

You Have to Laugh

For the last few mornings I've actually been awake.  This is a good thing!  Rather than sleeping hard until 10 a.m. I woke up at my regular time, and felt energized and awake.  That hasn't happened in a long long time.  So there's that.

I thought I'd tell you about a day I had recently that can only go in the You Have to Laugh file.  Okay here goes:

Leila had a cold for a few days.  She lived to tell the tale.  One morning when she was all better, I heard on Pandora that Whole Foods was selling lobster tails two for $10.  I had just seen an episode of Barefoot Contessa where she made a seafood gratin, and even though it looked amazing, I knew I'd never make it because it has lobster.  So this was my day!  I went to Whole foods and got all the stuff, even the saffron. By the time I left the store, I knew I had the cold.  I felt awful, and in spite of my plan to make this gratin, I knew I would have to go to bed.  I decided to head home over the hill to avoid the pre-Christmas traffic.  I'm driving down the hill toward my house, and I got pulled over by a motorcycle cop.  He apparently had been following me for some time, and I was so spaced out I didn't even notice.  He clocked me going 38 in a 25.  I didn't even have the strength to whine and beg and show cleavage.  I just let him give me the ticket and proceeded on my way. 

All I wanted to do was go to bed.  I got home with my lobster and my speeding ticket, and found the cardboard and foil remnants of one of those dark chocolate oranges.  It had been hidden in my closet, ready to put in Rob's stocking.  The culprit: The dog.  He was so happy I was home. He's always happy.  I called the vet and had to bring him right over because he ate the whole damn thing and it was a fatal dose of chocolate for a dog his size.  He had to stay at the vet all day, and then later I had to pick him up and take him to the pet emergency place so he could spend the night and be observed.  He was one of three chocolate dogs.  Apparently, he puked up entire un-chewed wedges of chocolate orange, but then wagged his tail and was just so happy to have the vet's attention.  He loves everyone, all the time, even when they're inducing vomiting and force feeding him charcoal.

This was about a 5 hour ordeal for me, and still, all I wanted to do was go to bed.  I ended up being sick for 10 days with a stupid virus, I missed parts of Christmas, and I was sure I had pneumonia (but I didn't.)  The dog cost us about $700, and then a week later cost us another $300 because he injured himself springing off the couch.  If you're keeping track, that $1000 on an 11 lb dog.  During Christmas, the most expensive time of the year.  And I haven't even tackled the ticket yet...

You have to laugh.

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