Friday, March 15, 2013

Sleep, little Face-Eater, Sleep...

I'm still having sleep issues, so the other night I decided to try some soothing sleep sounds.  Rob was already asleep since his head had hit the pillow one minute earlier, but I used my phone to find an app that would put me to sleep.  (I'm sure there's a joke in there somewhere, but it eludes me.) I filtered through the apps that said they had soothing sounds; one just plain didn't work, which was annoying.  Another was for babies and had lullabies and the only nature sounds it had were jungle birds and junk like that, but the last one seemed to have the ocean sounds that I was looking for. 

I set it to run for a half hour, and turned it on.  It did not work.  I listened to these ocean sounds for the whole half hour, forcing myself to give it a chance, and I was still awake when it turned itself off. 

I kept hearing freeway sounds.  If you are ever in a hotel unfortunately situated next to a freeway, think of the car sounds as the ocean: they sound exactly the same.  But in this case, there was this bumpy sound along with the waves, and all I could think was that someone was standing under a freeway bridge and cars tires were thunk-thunking over the seams in the cement.  Then I started to think about that bridge in Florida where that guy ate that other guy's face.  Then I started to wonder whether the sounds I was listening to were an actual recording of the ocean, or whether someone had just created them on a Casio.  Then I wondered, if it was an actual body of water, was it the same body of water that was under the bridge in Florida? Then I started wondering, what if it was recorded at the same time that guy's face was being eaten?  And I started waiting for the sounds of screaming or sirens.  They never came. They were probably edited out before the app was released. 

Needless to say, this was not at all soothing, and I have since deleted the app.  I didn't need to listen to the crickets or the birds or the waterfall to know that this was not going to work for me.  So instead, I just lay there, waiting for sleep.  Sometimes it comes, sometimes it takes its damned time, but either way I still want to stay in bed in the morning.

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