Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Just One More

I told myself I was not going to write about my foot anymore.  No one wants to hear it.  We are all far too young to start hearing about each others ailments.

But then yesterday happened, and I can't not write about it.  Sorry.  This should be it, not to worry.

Remember how I told you I was having a touch of sciatica?  (I know: how old am I?  70?  80?)  well that touch went completely off the rails on Thursday night.  The last time I had pain like that, they handed me a baby when it was over.  My whole leg, from my butt to my big toe, hurt like a mother fucker, and, unlike labor, there was no relief. It was constant.  I was awake most of the time, moaning intermittently, getting up to walk back and forth in the living room while crying and quietly cursing my husband for being asleep, which he really wasn't.  I tossed and turned and cried and neither one of us slept.  I didn't want to take my hardcore pain pills because I have a child that I have to drive to school in the morning and I thought it would not be a good idea to get a DUI.  Or kill a family of five with my station wagon.

So Rob called in late to work and got Leila out off to school, and we called the Dr.  Not Dr. Douchebag, but my neurologist, Dr. I-love-her.

She sent me to the emergency room.  Yes, the emergency room.  You may remember that most of the time that I go to the emergency room, nothing good happens.  They make me stay there and have IVs and stuff.  No sir, I don't like it.  But off we went, anyway.  They checked me in, I met my nurse and Dr., both nice, and they gave me two shots of Dilaudid.  I recently found out that Dilaudid is pharmaceutical heroin.  Now, I don't endorse the use of recreational drugs (except pot, sometimes) and I would never encourage anyone to try heroin, but, dude, I completely understand the allure.  Its so wonderful, especially when you've been in extreme pain for 12 hours.  I love you, Dilaudid, you complete me.

They didn't make me stay there, or get an IV, and I got to go home, with my leg pain all but gone, and high as a kite.  I slept all afternoon, and then, as it was my 16th wedding anniversary, we had a special thai dinner in bed, the I dozed through Sports Night on Netflix, and then I had the best night's sleep I've had in weeks.  And just enough heroin left in my body to have NO PAIN!

Today, I feel good, but I'm not going to be an idiot.  I'm keeping my foot up, keeping up on my meds, and taking it super easy.  I'm watching TV with one eye, and shopping for rugs on the internet with the other.  I have a curled up kitty and a bowl of Starbursts, and all is good with the world. 

1 comment:

Bored2 said...

Hi Bored Housewife,

I happened on your blog because I am sometimes a bored housewife too. When I googled "bored housewife syndrome" your blog was at the top, but also an article that I think you may find interesting. I did, even though the publication date of this article is 1964!)