I'm not going to talk about my foot again, but I will talk about drugs. My days right now are all about chronicling which drug I take when, and how many, and finding the right balance between prescription and over-the-counter to manage pain. I'm doing okay. A side effect of one of the drugs is depression and suicidal thoughts; I haven't thought about killing myself yet, but I am blue. Last night I watched that show on OWN where they are counting down the best moments of the Oprah Winfrey Show, and that little Matty Stepanic really got me going. Then I cried because Rob made such a good dinner.
The hardest part has been making it all the way through the night without pain, without waking Rob up. Poor guy is working all day, taking care of me and the kid all evening, squeezing in a workout or some softball, and then crashing into bed. He's been truly wonderful. I have this hydrocodon to help with pain and sleep, but I'm afraid of becoming addicted to pain killers and winding up on Intervention. I can so see how this happens; you just want to effing sleep and have some relief, so you take narcotics every night and the next thing you know you're on a plane to some rehab center in Phoenix.
So instead of heading down that road, I took two Tylenol PM. Jee -zuss. It did get me through the whole night, and knocked me out most of the day, too. I got L off to school, walked the dog around the block for the first time in 6 weeks, and then slept soundly on the couch for two hours while gardeners used blowers and chain saws in my own backyard. I will probably go to sleep again right after I'm finished writing this, and those two Tylenol PM from last night might take me all the way through until tomorrow.
When I finally pried my eyes open at noon, I was hungry. So I ate a salad and some left over pulled pork. But it wasn't enough. Remember how I made that emergency chocolate cake with mayo the other day during my cake crisis? Today I made vanilla cupcakes, with actual butter this time, and they are so fucking fantastic I want to eat them all right now. I didn't have enough cupcake liners, so I made half a recipe. If there are any left by dinner, it will be a miracle. I've had at least 4 of them so far. Probably more, but who's counting?
I'm on steroids for pain right now, so I'm blaming that. I did walk around the block this morning so I probably burned off about 20 calories worth of those cupcakes in advance. Leila and a friend are playing in the backyard, and have walked right by the cupcakes several times without noticing them. They're not frosted (the cupcakes, not the children) so they probably can't even see them. Kids are all about the frosting, I am all about the cake. Not that I am anti-frosting, but that was way too much work and I need a nap.
ADDENDUM: Kids just noticed the cupcakes. When they threw their wrappers in the trash, L's friend looked at all the crumpled cupcake liners from my eating extravaganza and said, "Wow. She sure at a lot of cupcakes..."
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