Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Grumpy-ass Weirdo

Okay, people, I've taken one of my new pain pills.  It says that it may cause dizziness and drowsiness, so lets see how this goes.  So far, we're okay.

The weirdest thing happened the other night.  I was driving home from my parents' house after dark and I was stopped at a stop light when a grumpy looking man crossed in front of me.  My windows were not open, but I did say to myself, out loud, "What a grumpy-ass dude." or something like that.

Before he reached the other side of the street, he stopped in the crosswalk and pulled out his cell phone and made call.  I said, probably out loud, "Oh nice!  Stop in the middle of the crosswalk to make a phone call!" and then he came over to the passenger side corner of my car and I watched his lips as he said my license plate number into the phone!  Grumpy-ass called in my plate!!

The first question anyone asks me when I tell this story is "Are you sure that's what he was doing?"  So let me just say that there is no doubt that's what he was doing.  He was standing in front of my car, in the crosswalk, staring at my license plate, calling it in to someone.  Then he closed his phone and continued on his way.  He didn't look at my face, he didn't make any hand gestures, just made the phone call.

I totally freaked.

When the light turned green, I pulled into the gas station and decided to drive the back way to my house, but not before taking ten minutes to hide in the Calico Corners parking lot with my lights off.  Both my headlights are working, my car passed the most recent smog test, I was stopped at a stop light, so he couldn't have seen me speeding, which I wasn't doing anyway.  I passed Grumpy-ass on the way to the parking lot, and I really wanted to roll down my window and say , "Hey! Why did you just call my plate in?!" but then decided, woman alone, after dark, guy could have a gun, so that little mystery will go unsolved.

Here's the thing, though: I had had some wine at my parents' house.  Its pretty hard to get out of that place without ingesting any alcohol, its just the way my family is, but I was no where near drunk, and I would never get behind the wheel if I was remotely inebriated.  I have spent two hours watching TV with my dad, drinking water, waiting to drive home if I've had too much wine there.  I'm that kind of girl. 

My thinking was, if this guy randomly called my plate into the highway patrol, and they stop me based on his call, and let's say he's said that I was driving erratically, and they ask me to take a breathalizer, and I say no, and then they arrest me and haul me in on suspicion of a DUI, and then what if I actually ended up arrested for a DUI even though I was fine to drive... How about that for the first day of school?  PTA MOM, BUSTED ON DAUGHTER'S FIRST DAY OF 5TH GRADE.

I drove home with my eyes on the rear view mirror the whole time.  I did not get pulled over.  Was he just messing with me?  Did he read my lips and see me call him a Grumpy-ass?

Then two days later, I saw a man walking down the main road holding a large, docile rabbit.  Things are just getting weirder and weirder.

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