Rob went to a football game today
(49ers, dude) and I do not get this at all. Forget about the fact that I
have no understanding of football, despite my scant effort over the
years to figure out what a "down" is. Rob has only a passing interest
in football, and usually only when it has to do with the OSU Buckeyes,
and most of his instinct to watch televised sporting events has been
beaten out of him by his wife (its true, and I'm not ashamed) but when
he has a chance at free tickets to a 49er game, he goes for it. This is
fine with me. He needs to be a man and do manly things once in a
while, so I'm all for it. But I don't get why its fun.
He
went out last night and bought a sixpack of beer, a bag of Cheetos, and
a box of Famous Amos chocolate chip cookies. My idea of culinary
heaven, swapping the sixpack for a bottle of chardonnay. Rob and his
football buddy drive our little Honda Civic fifty miles away to pick up
the tickets, and then another fifty miles to the stadium where they pay a
kings ransom to park. Then, they get out of the car and stand next to
it eating Cheetos and chocolate chip cookies in the cold, wearing hats,
and they drink the whole sixpack. Then, they throw a football around in the
parking lot until its time to find their seats. If Rob ever wants to
eat Cheetos and throw a ball around a parking lot, there's one at the
grocery store I'm sure he could use.
They take their
little Citibank stadium cushions that Rob borrowed from my dad so their
tushies don't get cold, and they sit bundled up (its not, like,
Michigan, but it was cold today) and watch the game. I'll have to plead
ignorance on what might make football entertaining, but the 49ers won,
and the game was good, so whatever. They didn't eat any of the junk
food offerings or beer at the game since they had their fill of junk
food and beer standing next to the car (before noon, I might add.) The
promise of stadium food would be the only way you would get me to waste
an afternoon freezing my ass off at a football game. Cheap dates.
Then
they spend, I don't know how long, hours, waiting to get out of the parking
lot. What are they talking about in the car? The passes? The
interceptions? The "downs?" They're not talking about what my
girlfriends and I would be talking about at a time like that, of that
much I'm sure, and I know I would have sprained my face rolling my eyes
listening to them. So, he left at 9:30 this morning, and he got home 9
hours later. Really? I mean, I'm sure I have watched the Oscar
telecast, including the red carpet and Barbara Walters' Special for nine
hours, but that only happens once a year!
He had
fun, doing man things, and that's what's important. Whenever he has a
chance to do man things, I encourage it since I probably emasculate him
by watching him do dishes and color coloring books with Leila most of
the time. He is now taking a shower because, apparently, he worked up a
sweat throwing a football around the parking lot near our Honda civic.
So, I guess he wont smell like Cheetos, which is kind of too bad, since
I'll take my junk food any way I can get it.
So, readers, how'd I do while on the sauce?
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