Wednesday, January 25, 2012

A Big Feat

I don't know how much I've told you about my feet. My feet have the unique distinction of being both enormous and tiny. They are the skinniest thing about me. They are two different sizes; not enough to have to buy two differently sized shoes, but enough to ensure that I always try on both shoes, and not just one. My feet and toes are very, very, very, very long. I wear a women's size 11, and sometimes that is too short. I used to wear a 10, then I had that baby and she messed with my bod'.

Shopping for shoes is about the most depressing thing I can do to myself. Scratch that: looking at myself naked in a full length mirror is the number one most depressing thing I can do to myself, but shoe shopping is a close second. People who have gone shoe shopping with me just shrug their shoulders and grin uncomfortably because what they're really thinking is "Good God, I'm glad that's not me!"

Most stores don't carry size 11; the go up to 10, and then they have to "special order" because apparently I have "special" feet. There is a joke about long feet and a short bus in here somewhere. The shoes that they bother to manufacture in my size all look like tanks, and even if I find a shoe in my size, I have to concern myself with whether or not the shoe makes my foot look big. The obvious answer that my husband never fails to say out loud is, "your feet make your feet look big." True though that may be, some shoes make a bigger foot that others.

Add to this hopelessness that my knees make it impossible for me to wear heels for more than 15 minutes, and what I am left with is clown shoes.

I have been wearing these for a long time:

They were comfortable, on sale, and I hate shoe shopping too much to go further than those two criteria. They have hung in there and done the job but -sorry Keen - they are ugly as hell, and when I look down at my feet, they make me sad. I feed like I'm waddling around on platypus bills.

It was my new years resolution to find a pair of comfortable shoes that were good looking enough that I could wear my long sweaters and not look like two people, one from the knee down, and one from the knee up. I would spare no expense. I would have a glass of wine, and go shoe shopping, and just be prepared to be frustrated and furious, and come home empty handed until I didn't.

People have been raving about Dansko clogs forever, but when I tried to buy some, - surprise! - the largest women's size was too short for my feet, and the mens sizes were too big around (remember, my feet are rather dainty in spite of their length.) So I gave up on and didn't look back.

A decade has now passed, and someone recently told me that Dansko changed their sizing and that I should try them again, and I had noticed that they've come up with some cuter styles than just the plain old clog. So I tried some on, and you know what?


Now I have these!

They are comfortable. They make a small foot. They look kind of high heelsish even though they're not, and they make my clothes look better. When I look down, I don't feel like plucking out my own eyes. My toe is a little jammed up in the left shoe, but I'm told that will correct itself because of the fine corinthian leather or whatever. They were expensive; I don't care.

Keens, you are going in the camping box because that is all you're good for now. Thank you for your years of service, you ugly fucking shoes, now bug off.

1 comment:

lama said...

Nice! I might have to replace my 12 year old Danskos with some of those babies...