Dudes, I am in the tall grass. I have so much to do right now, I don't even know what I have to do. And if that makes no sense at all, welcome to my brain. But on another note...
1) This is how cool the internet is: a) I put in my post the other day about Oprah's Australia trip that I wanted a reader in Australia to give me an invitation to their house in Australia, and SOMEONE DID. b) I follow Steve Martin (that Steve Martin) on twitter and I tweeted him that my nine year-old wants to learn to play the banjo and what did he think, and HE TWEETED ME BACK. His answer wasn't helpful, but that's not the point.
2) I locked myself out of my house yesterday. Grabbed the wrong set of keys as I walked out the door, and the neighbor who has the spare key wasn't home. So I tried a couple of windows thinking, they're cheap-ass old aluminum windows, one of them will budge. Nope. So then I remembered the one other time we had to break into our house and how we did it, but it required me to get the ladder, and figure out how to open it since it is a new-fangled thing and I normally am not the one in my family who climbs ladders. Then, I managed to get one window open, but realized that the ladder was too short for me to really hoist myself into the house. I could lean into the window, at around my ribs, but there was nothing for my feet to push off of. So I got off the ladder and started circling the house like a tiger on the outside of a cage who really wants to get into the cage, and all this time my dog is freaking out inside wondering why I wont come in, and I'm sweating like a pig from climbing up and down a ladder and forcing windows. This same dog is unfortunately too short to get the other set of keys off the hook, and even if he wasn't, he doesn't speak much English as evidenced by the blank stare he gives me when I tell him to sit.
Finally, I decided that if I wanted to get in the house, I was going to have to go back up the ladder and figure out how to throw my body through the half open window. I climbed back up, leaned into the window, and just started willing my body to go through. I somehow made it far enough in so that my hips were resting on the window sill, my hands were stretched down to the floor like a push-up, and my legs were flailing around sticking out of the side of the house. The heater vent is right under this window and it was blowing hot hair onto my already over-heated body, my hair was in my face, and my dog was now going completely apeshit and alternately barking in my ear and licking me, and I couldn't push him away because a) he would come right back and b) my head would hit the wood floor and I'd probably get a concussion. So I stayed like that for a while, wondering between dog licks how I was going to get in the house without breaking my legs, and then I just went for it and wiggled the rest of the way in and fell on the floor. I wasn't hurt, the dog and I were both relieved, and I went right outside and hid a spare key.
I'm exhausted just thinking about it. I think I have to sign off for this week until after the Variety Show. I will give you the full low down next week.
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