I'm so hungry, I could eat Ikea

Given that this is a week that revolves around cooking and eating and belt loosening, I thought I would tell you about my adventures in eating today.

Before Rob left for work, he pointed out that I had lots of things to eat for lunch today.  Left over Chinese food that I'd insisted on Saturday night, a left over half sandwich that I got Saturday afternoon, plus other delicious left overs.  It was enough to feed, well, a bunch of people.  I started the day by doing my grocery shopping and there was crab on sale.  Crab is, like, my favorite, so I was giddy with the thought of eating my first crab of the crab eating season, and I almost bought an extra one so I would have some crab around for snacking.  I restrained myself, and got two crabs for dinner.  Rob isn't really in to crab, but I didn't care, he'll eat it and he'll like it.

Then I had my semi-annual trip to Ikea with my Ikea buddy.  Sometimes we only go once a year, but we always go before the holidays.  I stock up on candles, and paper, and all kinds of other crap (that's crap, not crab) and I am stunned when I get to the check out at how all these things that are only $3.99 add up to $161?  I just don't get it.  Must be Swedish math.  Anyway, after Ikea we traditionally go to lunch.  Of course, I knew that I was supposed to go home and eat left overs, but its tradition.  So we went to our traditional place and it was closed.  We went to our traditional back-up place, but before I ordered my delectable burrito bowl, I started to worry about Rob knowing that I didn't eat the left overs.  So I put my lunch on a credit card that he doesn't ever check.  I couldn't finish my burrito bowl, so... more left overs.  When I got home I went to the trouble of hiding the left overs in the back of the fridge, behind some older left overs and the dog food. 

This is the conversation we just had:

Him: "Hey, you didn't eat any of your left overs for lunch."
Me: "I know."
Him: "By any chance,  did you have lunch at Ikea?"
Me, sounding offended: "No!"
Him, grinning: "How about Chipolte?  Did you by any chance eat there?"
Me: "I don't know what you're talking about."
Him: (Laughs)
Me: It was our traditional pre Christmas Ikea trip!  We had to go to lunch!"
Him: "I love how you feel you need to justify everything like, 'But it was Tuesday!'"
Me: If you like that, you'll love how I put it on the Amex that you never see, and how I hid the left overs way back in the fridge.
Him: (Laughs, in a ridiculing, head shaking way.)

Scene.

Now, this is why my marriage is awesome.  I think that I am pulling something over on him, and not only does he know me way too well, but I give it all up at the slightest provocation.  I'd better never have an affair; I'll be blabbing to him about it in no time.