Thursday, December 10, 2009

My Moment of Fame

Today was the opposite of yesterday. I did exactly what I told you I was going to do, and added a little something special.

I made the biscotti (but I still have to chocolate dip them) and I went to the super market - AGAIN - to get the ingredients for L's class' snazzy snack tomorrow (don't ask, you don't really want to know) and while I was there, I bought myself some crab. Rob doesn't really care for crab. He'll eat it, but he is somehow immune to the sheer pleasure of picking the meat and drinking wine and making a evening of it. Maybe its because wine gives him an unbearable headache, but having crab for dinner is one of my favorite things, and he always pees on my parade. And cheese fondue; that's another one of my favorites that he poo-poos. So I bought two crabs, one for lunch, one for later, and I sat at my kitchen table, listened to the radio, and picked crab meat. I dipped it in my favorite mayonnaise/curry sauce, and saved a crab's worth of meat for a snack. Rob is not allowed to have any. He can eat the damn sweet potatoes that are still in the fridge from Thanksgiving. I also bought myself the Vanity Fair magazine with Meryl Streep on the cover. I tried to read it while picking my crab, but that is really ill advised.

When I was done with my crab, I sat down on the couch and started the article, but I fell asleep in the middle and took one delicious nap. When I woke up, I finished the article, and started in on the new Oprah magazine that came today (on time, I might add.) Now I'm feeling frustrated and dark. Oprah is just so much pressure. In every magazine, its LOSE WEIGHT! SECURE YOUR FINANCES! BUY THESE CLOTHES! LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE! NOW, BITCH!!!!! This is not a best life kind of day. I'm in a mood. In a funk. I need to get out of here. I need to stop making biscotti and melting chocolate. I need to find some new energy, some outside influence, I need to jack up my chi.

But here is another thing that I was WAY too excited about. I listen to this podcast almost every day. I'd like to tell you that I'm learning spanish or listening to Eckhart Tolle tell my how to live without fear or whatever, but its a podcast of the morning radio people let off the FCC leash a little bit, talking about sex and porn and coffee enemas, and I am sort of, I guess, addicted to it. So the other day, they were going on and on about this one topic, and I felt compelled to email them with my point of view. Yes, for a few minutes, I was that person, carefully crafting an email to the radio people about a topic that could not be less important. Well: while I was picking my crab, THEY READ MY EMAIL ON THE AIR. That's not even the best part: one of the guys interrupted the girl while she was reading it and she said, wait for it, Hold on, the way this is written is really funny. A SEMI FAMOUS PERSON THOUGHT I WAS FUNNY! That's all I ever really want in this life, just to be funny. I'm not going to be thin, or a genius inventor, or a big philanthropist, or cure cancer, so I may as well be funny. The stupid part is that I should have signed the email with my blog address, but I didn't. Stupid. If you want to hear it, although, really, why would you, listen to the 12/9 podcast on this link, its 13 minutes and 19 seconds in. God, I'm pitiful.

Off to melt chocolate for these goddam effing biscotti.

***ADDENDUM*** I'm done okay? Now get off my back!


joanna nelson said...

The glorious line, in my opinion:
"I need to jack up my chi."

Alice said...

I figured you listened to S & V from my namesake radio station. I need to check out the podcast! One more way to waste time! Yippee!

Lara Starr said...

I think that's cool! Did you listen to the podcast on the 8th by any chance when they were telling the story of the intern and the waiter at lunch? "Lisa," the one who got the waiter in trouble - is a friend of mine. Hi-larious!

And, your biscotti look great!

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