Monday, July 25, 2011

Barbie Bang Bang

After a particularly down-in-the-dumps day yesterday, fueled by marriage, children, remodel hell and the lack of anything to eat in this house, I am feeling a bit better. Leila is at camp, Rob is at work, I am alone and feeling better. Should I be concerned about this pattern?

The left side of my butt hurts from bowling. I didn't think that was possible, but when you are in as terrible shape as I am, anything is possible. Yes, I bowled. We had some family fun, I broke two nails, bowled a 58, and now my left butt cheek is sore. I also drank Dr. Pepper and I blame it for keeping me up until 1 a.m. watching Sopranos on Netflix.

Now: Here is the parenting issue that I am facing: the other day, Leila confided to me that sometimes a friend of her's types "barbie sex" into the search bar on You Tube. After I stopped laughing, I realized that this would be a great time to have the sex talk with her. She's old enough, and I'd like her to hear it from me first rather than some skanky fourth grader on the playground. The thing is, though, I chickened out. I need to think some more about this first, how to approach it, how far to go. Like, do I have to explain oral sex? Porn? Chlamydia? There's no way around mentioning a penis, but do I have to draw a picture like I did with the period talk? Do I mention that people put tongues in each others mouths? She wont even eat a freakin' gummy bear, so she'll be completely grossed out. No, further thought is definitely required.

Then, I was talking to a friend who mentioned that these barbies having sex on you tube could be in bondage gear and stuff, so I just searched on it myself and all I have to say is WHOA.

My barbies used to get up to all kinds of shenanigans and were always getting knocked up with cotton balls shoved in their dresses, but we never got up to what these barbies are getting up to. First of all, our Barbies weren't nearly as bendy. Here is a sampling of just the titles: "Slut Barbie" "Barbie Sex Tape" "Horror Movie with Barbie and Sex" "Barbies Having Full On Sex Orgy" and my personal favorite, "Barbie and Ken Rough Sex" where Ken is punching Barbie while in the missionary position. Don't you just love the internet?

Jesus Effing Christ!!!!

What's more interesting is that some of these videos are posted by children!!!
I wasn't going to tell Leila's friend's mother about this because I want to preserve the trust between me and my kid, but now I don't know. Thoughts?

p.s. I have since taken You Tube off Leila's iPod touch, so no more barbie porn for her.

1 comment:

Lara Starr said...

1) When I was a kid my aunt's boyfriend (with my mom's permission) asked to borrow my Barbies. I (much) later found out he used them to make an "adult" film for a film class. Family joke ever since!

2) I'd tell the mom. It's not like her friend is 16 and knocked up and will get kicked out of the house if you tell the mom. They're curious kids with access to material above their level of understanding that could be confusing and scary. They need to be protected from that shiz, and when they're not protected need to know their mom knows about it and it's not a deep, dark, creepy secret. I'm sure if you're light and casual about it with the mom she's appreciate it and won't rat you out to her daughter.