Monday

You know, its really hard to be light and funny right now.  The news and the catastrophes and the apocalypse are starting to get to me. I just have no head space for what is happening in Spain and Catalonia right now.  I'm full up.  Sorry, Spain. Or Catalonia. Or whichever one is right, I don't even know, and I just can't pay attention to that right now.

So right now I'm sitting on my couch in my bathrobe at 5 pm.  I just need a cigarette and a soap opera and some hamburger helper and I would be a picture of the 70s.  My house has been upside down for the past week because we had some work done in our bathroom, and I did some work in my kitchen and everything has to be put back together.  By me.  Alone.  So I cleaned the kitchen, had some food, and then took a break and read and took a nap.  Then I promised myself that if I scrubbed the bathtub and took a shower, I could watch The Deuce on HBO (more on that in a minute.)  So I scrubbed the shit out of the shower (its so weird how clean stuff gets when you actually, y'know, clean it) took a shower in my freshly scrubbed tub with freshly grouted tile surround, and then I sat on the sofa in my bathrobe and watched my show and haven't moved.  The kitchen and the tub are the tip of the iceberg in this house, but I don't want to get carried away.

I love this show, The Deuce.  It is so dirty and gritty and misogynistic, and so well acted, and so well art directed and shot.  I love everything about it.  If you can't handle pimps and prostitutes and violence against women and the mob and dirty cops, its not your show.  But I love it.  It makes me want to smoke.

I haven't smoked a cigarette in over a decade and even when I did smoke it was only a little.  But lately, and maybe its all the apocalypse, I just want to smoke again.  I haven't, and I would probably barf if I did, but sometimes I fake smoke when I'm by myself, with a pencil or something.  This came up on that show This is Us, fake smoking.  Now that show:  Is there anything more manipulative?  I don't like shows or movies that pull the tears out of you like that's their goal.  That show doesn't make me cry.  I refuse to cry because that's what it wants me to do.  But I'm still watching it, so that's on me. 

I have to go feed my dogs and the fish.  They are all waiting not-so-patiently