There are a number of things I want to complain about today, the first of which is that, apparently, I'M NOT ALLOWED TO COMPLAIN.
This has been a running theme with my mother my whole adult life. If she says she's tired, she's not complaining, she's just tired. If I say I'm tired, in the exact same way at the exact same time, I am complaining. I haven't said '"Oh woe is me!" I haven't said, "I hate being this tired, it totally sucks and I'm so stressed!" I've simply said, "I. Am. Tired." and that makes me a complainer. I think she gets nervous when I show any sign of weakness. I've already moved back in with her and borrowed money, what else is there to be worried about?
I have painted all day for five and a half days out of the last nine days, I even painted on Thanksgiving, and it was awesome! My husband and I had long talks about nothing, we listened to podcasts, we listened to music, we spent some time in our house getting to know it again, we had a great time. And, knowing already that I'm not ever allowed to say anything that might even sound like a complaint, I didn't say anything about my hand or my back being sore, and, frankly, even though they were sore, it felt kinda good.
One day my parents came by to check on our progress, and as she left my mom yelled, "No complaining!" for no reason in particular.
Yesterday, I was tired. One of those days where you never fully wake up, and your eyes are burning, but I kept plugging through the day, didn't take a nap. Over breakfast, my mom says, "My arm is so sore! And its from scrubbing the shower yesterday." Now, did I say, "Quit your complaining, old woman!" No, of course not, because she wasn't complaining, she was just stating a fact, not being a whiny gasbag. Then I told her an adorable story about how Leila said she couldn't go to school because she had a headache and a stomach ache and her eyes hurt, and my mom says, "She gets that from you. You're always complaining about how tired you are and how everything hurts."
W. T. F? I completely censored anything I might say that could be be construed by even a marginally rational person as a complaint, and I still got nailed!
And! I will take this opportunity to point out that one recent time when I did say, "Somethings wrong, I know it, this is not a regular cold." and my mom told me to "stop being so dramatic!" I ended up in the hospital for two weeks and almost died. Not that I'm complaining about almost dying, because that would make the world stop spinning on its axis, and the trees would all die!
But you guys never complain when I complain, so here I am. I'm tired! Except, today I'm not really tired at all, so its lost of its gusto...
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