Banjo (my roomba vacuuming robot) was having issues this morning. He got stuck under the armoire a few times, and then he skimmed along the edge of the fireplace and spread ashes all over the place and didn't pick them up. I left to do some errands, and when I came back, he was stuck under the armoire again, but this time he had a bunch of cables tangled in his brushes. So I cleaned him all out and turned him on again because the floor still wasn't clean, and I guided him with my feet to the dirty parts that he kept missing by mere inches. So I'm dancing around the floor trying to turn my roomba around, coaxing him out loud like he's a dog, and I'm thinking, This is just a wonderful use of my time, especially when you consider I could sweep up the little pile of dust with a broom and be done with it, which, it turns out, I have to do anyway because Banjo's battery ran out. But I do love him so, and I hate sweeping dust bunnies into a dust pan just enough.
I think I'm half done with Christmas shopping. It could be more than half, but I don't want to jinx things by being too optimistic. The tree is up, and the lights are on the house! Remember last year I introduced you to my favorite ornaments and told you about The Bird? Well this year, I got three more birds for the tree, just to stick it to Rob. I just don't take his dislike of birds in Christmas trees seriously, and it turns out that I was right not to. Apparently, he doesn't mind bird ornaments in trees, He just hates my one, big, bird that I put right in the middle. But in the middle it will stay. I love that damn bird.
The Variety Show is an even bigger pain in the ass than I ever imagined it could be. And then, Leila (the whole reason I decided to take on this shindig) says to me, "Well, we didn't have to a Variety Show at all." That was information I could have used a few weeks ago. So far, 120 kids have signed up. That is not a typo. I don't even like kids that much. I like my kid, but your kid smells bad and makes weird noises. And you know what else? I realized that the kids that actually have a "talent" like playing an instrument or doing tai kwon do, usually have an opportunity to show their talent on a stage when they have recitals and stuff. So basically, the Variety Show is pretty much for kids who want to dance around to their favorite song. I do that in my kitchen every day, but I wouldn't call it a talent. Then there are the parents who are mad at me because I will not accept late applications (apparently, I am a horrible person for not supporting working parents, parents who had kids with colds, parents who can't be on time with forms, etc.) and the other parents who try to sneak late applications in thinking I'm an idiot and wont notice. THERE ARE 120 CHILDREN IN THIS SHOW, PEOPLE! LEAVE ME ALONE!
Its the most, wonderful time, of the year!
I'm a little charged up today, I guess. I have to do things differently next year. 1) tell Variety Show to go fuck itself. 2) Don't make candies that no one will eat but me, and I will eat them, don't you worry. 3) Do my Christmas shopping in October so I have one less thing in December. 4) drink more wine.