Saturday, January 31, 2009

Daytime TV

I think I have learned a lot about America by watching daytime TV. First of all, we are officially obsessed with weight loss. There is no end to commercials for weight loss programs, supplements, exercise gadgets, and before and after pictures of miracle success stories. You'd think that with all these things on the market, and with all the money being spent to promote them, and, presumably, all the stuff that people are buying, we would have the fittest nation on the globe, but not so. I am astounded by the fact that eating right and exercise plays almost no part in any of these commercials, except for the exercise balls and crunchers and videos, where people have tortoise shell stomachs and talk about how much they "love their abdominals." There is even a woman, who it appears from the neck up, at least, has never used this abdominal contraption, saying "My husband can't keep his hands off me!" Its a little gross. She's probably the wife or secretary of the person selling the thing.
Then there are the lawyers. I remember these commercials from when I was a kid, home sick from school. I now know that if I ever figure out what a structured annuity is, and if I ever have one, there are many many lawyers ready to help me get my money right now. Same with some very exotic sounding diseases and of course, if I've been injured in an accident. I remember asbestos being the big lawyer thing on TV, but I think that ship may have sailed.
Talk shows. Everyone has one, and they're on all day. You can watch a talk show every hour of every day. There are, of course, the heavy weights, Oprah and Ellen (no disrespect intended to Oprah, we love her, but are a little bored with her string of menopause shows,) and Regis and Kelly, and The View (I really don't know how people watch that show; I can't understand a word they're saying.) Then there are the welter weights, Tyra and Bonnie, and the local shows that interview fascinating people from right here in the bay area (who no one's ever heard of, but who are very serious about their important topics.) Then the feather weights: Maury, and that other guy. So, you can watch talk shows all day long if you want, and, if you're lucky, see the same celebrity pimp their new movie on three of them. Late night is a whole other thing, and I don't stay up for that. If I did, I could probably see Renee Zelwegger again.
I don't stop for court TV shows, but you can watch those all day, too.
Tennis is on 24 hours a day.
MTV. What is up with MTV? There are actually videos on VH1 in the morning, but the shows that MTV plays repeatedly all day long are like science experiments. After the music videos in the morning, VH1 isn't much better, but I have to admit to liking Sober House. Seriously, who watches this stuff? How on earth do they make money? I don't care if it makes me sound like a an old biddy, MTV is what is wrong with today's youth. There. I'm officially middle aged.
Thank goodness for reruns. I could watch Roseanne reruns all day long. I don't, but I could. And, HGTV: Even though the shows are mind numbingly repetitious, they are great for killing a few hours if that's your goal.
You know that saying, If the gods want to punish you, they answer your prayers? Do you think I was afflicted by this bacteria and forced into a long recovery in order for the universe to glue me to the couch and make me kill time? I talk a lot about how I like to sit on my butt and do nothing and take naps and get take-out, and now that's pretty much all I can do. I wonder if I'll be less inclined toward sloth when this is all over. I'd like to come away from this with more energy and zest for life. I don't have a lot of zest. I doubt I'll be transformed into a mover or a shaker, I don't think it will make me love exercise or taking long hikes, or crafting at my kitchen table. I am trying to think of why I had this experience, what it is meant to teach me, and all I can come up with is that the universe wants me to get sick of the sofa.
Its Saturday, and the whole daytime line up is on hold until Monday. I have magazines, books, and knee exercises to do. The day will just fly by!

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